7.18.10
pillow billow
blue
yonder yoga
vinyasa supta
pandangusthasana
inhale leg eyes
upward
oh!
sky movement
my movement
no mind
amazed
movement
silence
drifts
a thought
balloon bobbles
how
easy easy easy
everything
is
.
7.12.10
Kenneth Snelson “Space Frame Weave, Octa-Form”, (bamboo) 2002
weather report
Started a bit of research for Snelson review. Before seeing him talk a couple of years ago, never engaged with his work. It seemed cold. Well, it might be, but also think he's getting at some essential truths transecting (and maybe transcending) art and science. More to come.
Baseball - more basic truths. Hey, isn't that a baseball diamond above and a baseball below? Warm, slow, lovely nights (simple truths) watching Asheville Tourists. Yay for the home team! (simple truth.)
Daily Ashtanga practice on the deck-weather permitting-has also been lovely. Often followed (or preceded) by a run, meditation, and a breakfast of peaches, blueberries, walnuts and yogurt -- aah summer and...
heaven
so ever green
in thrashing rain
sweat beads roll down
chataranga muscles, ow!
thunder jolts
jade black cat up a tree
new silver dollar moon
a sliver hangin' on
my blue berry
heaven
Molecule Model, Kenneth Snelson
7.2.10
T. Feldmann - (Peacock - Mayurasana)
roosters and fireflies
Exquisite! Mint cool morning, overcast with sweet air - Ashtanga on the deck! Afternoon breezy cool run around the lake.
At Tim Feldmann Ashtanga workshop in Atlanta last week, he adjusted me with such compassion, confidence, awareness, felt he understood everything ....about my body (and everything else.) Magical.
After the 3 hours of First Series morning session, went back for 3 more (while C dropped out to watch World Cup) in afternoon - jump through, jump back, handstand. After 30 minutes I was praying for it to be over!! Had to do the jump through several times with class focused on me. Pushing me well beyond my limits - Tim would not let me drop my rear and sit before my legs came through. Was so fatigued from morning class - it was brutal and wonderful!
To Tim's credit also - I never once felt embarrassed or ashamed at being an example. Nor it seemed, did anyone else.
C and I are inspired!
*
sweet symmetry simple
grace daily delights
Quiet Gratitude
breathes
in and
out
fire
flies
waning
moon wild
flower peaches
Big Black Cat up a Tree
*
Sharath (Rooster - Kukkutasana)
6.23.10
"To be empty of things is to be full of God."
-Meister Eckhart
Detail illumination - The Trinity, a detail from manuscript Bible Historiale, 14th C.
receiving
Spring-summer open-ended rhythms have evolved: early morning runs, meditation, catching up, friends, slowing down, errands, overdue business, and spontaneous(!) activities. It's been quite warm and often a cooling rain arrives by afternoon. Rain is pounding now with concurrent loss of electricity. (MacBook Pro battery is chugging.) Evenings are devoted to .........ZATOICHI - the ultimate Zen hero. Am taking notes this time - to keep track of directors, what the sword tricks are, humorous spots, and which ones of the 18 are best. Can't get enough of Z!
June 21 was the Solstice with touch of sadness for YT - each day will become progressively shorter. Impermanence, you are so reliable.
Worked as assistants for Patrick Dougherty last week at Bascom art center in Highlands (town known for its wealthy summer out-of-state residents.) Interesting to see this easy-going, low-key artist make magic with sticks. N set up a fun dinner with PD and others, and we're still laughing about her Marvin story.
Atlanta and yoga workshop may be happening.
***
yes always
empty spaces - watch
(m) e g o
a child shoves a child
STOP!
I hate you go away
STOP!
boogie man lurks behind
STOP!
beloved are you
here
***
"...one thing is always in another.That which receives is the same as that which is received, for it receives nothing other than itself."
-Meister Eckhart
6.9.10
a shoe, Nushu, 2 books, a cat, 2 movies, a confession, a plan, and a hallelujah
Just finished two books given to me by friend J. The first, Lisa See's "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan," is getting more interesting over time and thought. It's about women in 19th C. China - about foot binding - (see shoe above), about Nushu their secret language (phonetically based and - I think - so graceful, feminine to the eye), and about friendship. So much here that engages one in the particulars of this Chinese culture and so much also in the universals of friendship and conditioning. (Easier to see when it's in the past and not one's own culture.) Can two sworn "same other" friends accept one another for who they are throughout their lives? Not an easy promise/ideal for any two friends.
The other book - Jon Krakauer's "Under the Banner of Heaven" about Mormonism and Mormon fundamentalism - is disturbing on many levels. Mormon fundamentalists seem to have much in common with Islamic fundamentalists - not the least of which is their attitude toward women - and polygamy. To my surprise - I am not so against polygamy itself if among consenting ADULTS who are not closer kin than third cousins - but according to this book that is not often the case. Lots to consider here, also. Belief systems that become so solid, scripture taken so literally that people kill over them. Hmmm well, that's nothing new. A book about things I'd have probably preferred not to know...neverthless, I do now...
**
Update on Buster's disappearance mentioned below: it was brief and my theory is that C and I hurt his feelings, that day. He was harassing Lola as he often does, and we both yelled at him together! He didn't show up for dinner that night and hissed at us (something he never does) when we found him in the basement the next day. He was not sick - because I finally was able to make up with him - and he was starved. Sensitive little guy.
**
Media Report: started the Zatoichi series over again - and did YT mention we saw "Exit through the Gift Shop"? The latter showcases an encounter with street art and Big Money art (viz: "Seven Days in the Art World".)
**
A confession followed by shame (!): Okay, if you have good taste you can shop anywhere - but should one shop anywhere? Sometimes - about once a year - I need something that's functional and cheap - like a 100% cotton night gown that's in a lovely color with an ok design for - 8 count 'em 8 dollars. I bought such an item today at ---Walmart. Now feeling guilty that my - 8 count 'em 8 dollars - supported the Evil Empire. Return it? DH's argument that low-income people need to shop there, cannot be used in my case.
**
A plan is cooking: L and I are investigating volunteering for the oil spill clean-up -in a Gulf state - especially working with wild life.
**
Glory Be! A little movement on the suffering front.
METTA
5.30.10
SF from Coit Tower photo by RD
Traveling
Back to California - a day in SF with J and R -- Coit Tower, dinner at Greens, visit to City Lights book store, and cruise through Haight Ashebury (sigh). Very chilly the whole time there (and layered by the dozens at Mt. Madonna.) J brought the four of us high school buddies together for brunch. What a shock - we're no longer 17! Fun to see how we are the same and yet different. J sent me books - such lovely gifts I can't wait to read.
"Don't mistakenly eat the menu for the dinner," was one of A's many clever remarks during the retreat. Assume he meant it as a warning not to get lost in illusion or something like the Zen phrase - "Don't mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon." Anyway the image was amusing, and I could see YT has eaten the menu many times.
Such a fine line spiritual teachers walk, and he does it so brilliantly...never allowing anything he says to get so solid that his students can grasp/cling to it (or him) and remain lost in the menu (or obsessed with the pointing or pointer.) As W. Makichen said, he "takes no prisoners." -- Gratitude!
Only one more unseen Zatoichi movie remains. Then we start over again.
Okay - - now more regarding façades and being loose about one's identity...
metta
5.27.10
façade
Identities. Friend Jacque took picture of me burka-style in my black shawl; then during retreat, got to thinking about personas, and how this one might cause some to pause (including me). Found image, went to Photoshop, changed eye color to something close to mine and voila - it's now my Facebook persona/image! Ha!
Identities, masks, images, shells, personas - all fodder for thought at retreat. So perfect: a guy there had epitome of "Spiritual Guy" look: ochre Nepali top with matching pajama style pants in linen, topped off by one of those cotton orange and yellow shawls with Sanskrit writing - you see 'em all over. I thought, "He's really gone overboard on the India/seeker look." Then he asked a question about personas and revealed he was a drag queen! Such fluidity. It may include a look that's related to who we are at the moment, but we don't need clothes to create rigid - or fluid - ideas of ourselves.
Identities. Not an easy retreat - but a powerful one. Message I heard at every talk and Q/A in different ways - the state one seeks cannot be sought, the state one seeks is (or probably is) an idealized concept of it. And: a state (good or bad) is transitory. What does not come and go?
Identities do. Egos do. Petty Ma does. So much entered brain and is now reaching heart - mind boggling. More to come.
metta
5.9.10
Lots of talk this week about JC (with K and MA especially) and what a true holy man he was. What's happening? I've even been reading Billy Graham's (yikes!) column in the Asheville Citizen-Times and been inspired by Graham's encouragements to yield to His grace and love. OK!! Yes, I surrender and smile with an open heart today...or a clear heart like image above...
...which by the way - is complete with glitter (doesn't show) and believe JC might also like this sentimental, hokey image.
C, my first friend in NC has been here for the weekend. Lots of interesting discussions as always, cooking, trip to Asheville to eat at Chai Panni and see a Korean movie ("Mother" - very intense and thought-provoking) and of course, an evening of "Zatoichi" which C seemed to take to also.
Now that all I have to do is turn in a few grades and pick up my piece tomorrow - all seems so well.
Fearlessness is the first prerequisite to a spiritual life.
- Gandhi
Haven't forgotten this tidbit from Gandhi - though fears in this particular moment have subsided. All seems well and beautiful. Feeling safe. Let what will be - be. Anyway, yes - compelling - such a statement about fearlessness from Gandhi who was murdered. It also applies to JC, also killed. Being a truly good and holy person does not make one immune to or exempt from hate and violence, so it seems. Gratitude and
metta
5.1.10
Katsu, cats, and core
It seems no one understands the seasons better than the Japanese. Above is the Wisteria Maiden; below is our wisteria thriving again this spring. How green everything has become!
And speaking of the Japanese, Hulu has come out with 12(!) more of cult favorite "Zatoichi" movies. So obsessed with these movies, I managed to do three late night viewings during this non-stop week.
Zatoichi at first appears to be a harmless blind anma (masseur) and bakuto (gambler) who wanders around the country, making his living by Ch --han (playing dice) as well as giving massages, performing acupuncture, singing and playing music; however, secretly, he is also highly-skilled in swordsmanship, specifically iaido and is equally skilled in the general sword skills of Japan, as well as Sumo wrestling. Little of his past is revealed; the reason for his blindness and how he developed his incredible swordsmanship are unknown.
A recurring theme of the films is Zatoichi protecting the innocent from oppressive or warring yakuza gangs, and investigating/stopping general injustice.
A number of standard scenarios are repeated through the series: Zatoichi's winning large amounts at gambling via his ability to hear whether the dice have fallen even or odd is a common theme, as is his catching loaded or substituted dice by the difference in their sound.
Shintaro Katsu as Zatoichi
*
We could not find Buster this morning and began to worry he was injured, sick, or worse. Found him in the basement where he made it clear he wanted to be left alone. We ignored his request, and he escaped outdoors. There's no way we can find him unless he wants us to, and it's clear he is sick. After having searched the hills and called to him in the rain - to no avail, we're both fretting.
*
Last weekend was the intensive and it was. Saw so clearly the relative size and importance of Petty Ma, Petite Moi, and whatever you want to call the ego. (How she suffers at times - yet it can't be helped). Sense of well-being, knowing, and acceptance flowed through me. Recently, have resisted, suffered, and then faced deep, core fears, allowing "whatever" to happen, to unfold - whether "i" like it or not, letting truth be unobscured by will, desire, or fear of it. Am down to the raw core (of me) and on the razor's edge, - one minute in a beautiful larger space and in another, back in the little dream... (and not a particularly pleasant one at that.) Boundless waves of gratitude for everything - good or bad passed through me. Actually, there was no good or bad. Home at last. All so exquisitely clear.
Every word out of A's mouth went straight to my heart. Every question was my own. Stunned by an astounding two days.
*
Lovely evening yesterday to say goodbye to Jan, a grad student who has become a friend. How lucky I am to know such a remarkable young woman.
And what is friendship? In some way it is highly impersonal and at the same time infinitely deep.
metta
Binky
4.19.10
Spring phase is in dogwood and red bud. Faint green hues are giving way to more solid ones. Our view is soon to be obscured by foliage. Daffodils, magnolias, cherry blossoms come and gone. Transitions.
The semester is nearing an end and may it and I rest in peace! Some good lessons but mostly am just Worn Out. Transitions.
4.11.10
teardrops in fire
It's a most exquisite spring! First time in 10 years that magnolias have made it through without turning brown from a freeze - to share the glory with the weeping cherry. (Photo below looks like a sweet rococo ceiling. There should be putti floating through it.) Fragile pink of these flowers always tears me up. Every year - crying/weeping/sobbing in the Quad! (As YT did years ago at a Seattle university in a quad full of sakura.)
The crazy part of the semester is over...for me. Can take a deep breath, relax, and actually sleep the night through for a change. Lots of aforementioned challenges - spiritual opportunities. One - I met (while thinking "wow- this has got to be the final blow to ego - thank you!"; the other, sucked me into conditioning/karma. Still chewing on #2 and aware of a voice saying "Hey! You screwed up." (Sometimes an apology can be a screw up.) Anyway, am more easy with feeling as an outsider and at the same time knowing neither inside or out, awarenesses that heal fears, silence voices, and burn karma.
"Resistance is futile." - Adyashanti by way of the Borg
"Burn baby burn. Burn that mother down." - Trammps lyrics and Watts riots
Lovely Ashtanga class today. Only two of us - so M did a Mysore style class. Now time to shop for ticket to California.
metta
4.10.10
magnolias a week later
4.3.10
spring anguish
Not enough distance on stuff to write much, but feels like teetering between no-self and karma based self-importance. Under one circumstance - YT caved to conditioning; in another, it disintegrated. Last week at a retreat I was told: you cannot control others' perceptions of you. A corollary to that is clinging to desire to be liked, to fit in. Fears! A taste of freedom makes it all the more painful to be tethered.
Things are popping. Magnolia above is ready to go! Weeping cherry full of cerise buds a few which opened today. Slept with the window open for two nights - warm almost hot for two days. Have been waiting impatiently for all these things.
Spring break and time to catch up. Taxes, car, vet appmts., other stuff done - and the last - planning for this sculpture event for an Art Appreciation class remains. Would like to wow the class with the diversity, excitement, history of sculpture and give them a hands-on experience with everyday materials: whatever is in their backpacks, etc. We'll see.
heart aches, longings, metta
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