5.12.12
anicca anatta dukkha
Cindy and YT at MoMA
anicca anatta dukkha
A day spent with evolving spiritual personality and guide Benjamin Smythe was "enlightening" yesterday. Same message as A. but totally different individual expression. Both reinforce truth: the heart, acceptance and these are things (and all things?) cannot be expressed with words. So I'll not try.
anatta
On to NYC...The Biennial was good. It was full of unpretentious, quiet art which I enjoyed. Lots of cardboard this year, in structure and otherwise—at the Biennial, Chelsea galleries, and "The Ungovernables" at New Museum. The knock-out show for me was Cindy Sherman at MoMA. Completely forgot mySELF in the show, speechless and stunned by the end. Each individual photo (of Sherman as various personas) gave me a deeper jolt that she and I, all of us were/are all of these people. I also felt vulnerable and unmasked - especially after the aging "ladies" that concluded the show. Rarely, perhaps never have I entered into a body of artwork so much that I forget the persona (Marya Roland, artist, professor) who is looking at the exhibit. Lost and forgotten!
This is what good art IMHO does - transcends its medium, and transports the viewer. Stunning.
anicca
Tomorrow much will be resolved. Either way - freedom and openness are flooding my body! Change.
Glacial anicca: last acupuncture session with K really helped my back. Then - no good - in NYC at Eddie Stern's last week. Then, here - 3 practices of pushing through the pain to little or no pain.
dukkha anicca
Heard this week from KB that Dan had a two month illness and died in early May. This is the tough guy with whom we went burro hiking in Nevada two years ago. A man remarkable to me for his toughness combined with a sense of fragility and vulnerability - so unusual. Big hearted and genuine, he also made unhip arguments in favor of Wal-mart (and people who shopped there). He made me stop andnotice my opinions.
Also in early May, another friend died - a stroke just after heart surgery. Never woke up. She was a smiling Buddha.
It was a privilege to know both these people. They departed gently and gracefully - and their passing breaks my heart.
metta
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - The Buddha
4.15.12
Hakuin, Eikaku (1685–1768)
Calligraphy about Anger
Hakuin is the best! Amazing, amazing Zen artist!
(Thought: I'd go back to grad school in Asian Art History for him.)
April half over. What lovely spring weather we are having. Brought a few house plants outside today. Planted some strawberries via a kit (sold to me by a persuasive student.) They are supposed to hang in this long bag if they do actually take root. We'll see.
Another stunning -"to astonish or shock (someone) so that they are temporarily unable to react" - retreat earlier this month. Feel so grateful and happy in an atmosphere of silence - (no talking.) More is communicated in such a state, and so much becomes clear. Talking often masks truth and seems so unnecessary, an escapist filler-in-of-gaps. Glad C is not big on chat. It's not for me.
And so in silence—basic truths may be accessed and one's (my) path affirmed. Nearing the end of a chapter. I know it. And the beginning of another. It's exciting.
Stop talking, stop thinking, and there is nothing you will not understand.*
– Seng-ts'an
Acupuncture for that nagging back issue. It felt worse....then today, C and I did a morning practice, and I ended up doing First Series in its entirety for first time in over three months. If no improvement after more treatments - it's a new tempur-pedic.
How I enjoy this Ashtanga practice. ("YOU do yoga. WE do Ashtanga" from video— "Sh*t Ashtangis Say" link—this is FUNNY) And today there was ample time beforehand for full meditation and pranayama. Later, we feasted on a French toast brunch. Perfect!
More yoga - N&J moving to Virginia. N sent email — all Mysore classes cancelled - about 12 hours before Friday's (cancelled) class. A spiritual brush-off! I felt something between annoyance and anger—what's the word?—grrrrrrnoyance? ....which masked hurt. Anyway-felt both. So very fond of them. It means we will probably have no goodbyes.
With a few days passing, it seems this change is another hallmark of a movement allowing freedom in a wonderful new way. All feels so liberating, opening, spacious
And joyful.
metta
3.22.12
to whom may fortune and disaster occur?
Hakuin "Blind Men Crossing Bridge"
The follower of knowledge learns as much as he can every day;
The follower of the Way forgets as much as he can every day.
By attrition he reaches a state of inaction
Wherein he does nothing, but nothing remains undone.
-Lao Tze "Tao De Ching"
Spring is getting serious. Cherry blossoms glorious. Too warm for the daffodils. Temps in the mid to high 70's. Equinox two days ago. New moon today. Mars and Saturn retrograde.
Busy frenzy crazy these new days, though each spring (semester) seems so. Teaching 3 classes is intense after some years of only two. Soon a break and retreat in Hendersonville. Then—3 more semester weeks. Then what? End of chapter? Transitory thoughts flapping and banging in the wind! A new life seems just beyond...
And the back slowly almost imperceptibly changes too. A dented back erodes the hotshot older yogini persona. Humility....acceptance - aaaah, it's good to be home again.
Both praise and blame cause concern,
For they bring people hope and fear.
The object of hope and fear is the self -
For, without self, to whom may fortune and disaster occur?
Therefore,
Who distinguishes himself from the world may be given the world,
But who regards himself as the world may accept the world.
-Lao Tze "Tao De Ching"
3.11.12
OOF
Thank you, Ed. It's exactly how I feel. Very long week. Just catching up on sleep. From Atlanta to Asheville Airport to pick up Eleanor Heartney. EH was great and it was fun - but I'm just plain burnt out.
Just a moment now to check in (with self/awareness) and ground in truth - even if truth is OOF. Oh, yea.
metta
Leaping
"Extra" day and 4 years before calendar looks like this again.
Mid-term break started yesterday. Whew.
Atlanta quick-trip this weekend.
Inquiry: the nature of suffering.
Back improves. Believe the bed was delaying and impeding its return to a state
of muscular non-pain.
A lot can be seen in a state of quietness.
Under all the stuff: fear of and belief in being unworthy.
Much to do relating to EH visit before leaving for Atlanta.
AND --- coconut oil: contains ketones lacking in the brain of Alzheimer's patients.
Amazing, dramatic stories of people who have drastically improved after taking it daily.
Sad - not in time for Mom. Hopeful and it can't hurt!
Using it instead of butter.
Delicious.
Now where did I put my keys....
Under all the stuff: life is so good.
metta
2.23.12
smash. boss. eat. flowers. vase.
Ed Ruscha. 1964. Powdered graphite on three sheets of paper, .a: 11 x 10 1/2"
Ed Ruscha. 1964. "Securing the Last Letter" oil on canvas, 59 x 55 "
When I began painting, all my paintings were of words which were gutteral utterances like Smash, Boss, Eat. Those words were like flowers in a vase.
- Edward Ruscha
This is another quote from the MoCA LA show. (Have long forgotten the paintings next to the quotes but those here will do nicely.) How lovely for gutteral utterances to become flowers in a vase!
Ellsworth Kelly.1951. "Study for Meschers." Cut-and-pasted printed paper, 19 1/2 x 19 1/2"
I think that if you can turn off the mind and look only with the eyes,
ultimately everything becomes abstract.
- Ellsworth Kelly
Kelly's MoCA LA statement is slightly dissimilar from Ruscha's. Kelly is saying forget the mind, perceive without meaning, and maybe even enter into a transcendent state that is beyond the tether of recognizable image (which we tie to words.) Ruscha is interested in the form (font) reflecting meaning. That is, perceiving with mind, ears, and eyes in a way that leads to something else—form may lose its usual meaning—and become brightly colored shapes—or flowers in a vase!
Anyway, isn't my blooming orchid lovely either way? (See below. 16 flowers!)
J was here last weekend for another 1.25 day silent retreat. Again, very, very powerful.
Lots of energy directed toward the Heartney visit. Feel good about and proud of my graphics for posters.
Yoga and the back. Think maybe it's the bed and not the practice at all. However, am about to give up on trying to figure it out....
Opportunities at work as always—watching (my) immediate reactions and assumptions. Suffering and old patterns lurk and skulk.
Metta and a mala of orchids!
2.4.12
floating
soaring
flying
&
not
December "dry dock" in Encinitas California
Aaaaah, California. Ah, visual metaphors. Check these land-houseboats on a perfect coastal day. Here in NC, nary a palm - instead - it's a Saturday rain, as snowdrops bloom, iris and daffodil blades stretch, magnolia buds swell. Too early, too early...and yet, such eerie mildness is welcome relief from past two winters.
Taking a break from Ashtanga class to give my back a break ...before it does break. Practicing at home is an opportunity to focus on the meditation rather than the form of the practice. So while doing first series and a few from second I can watch what poses help the back and which ones may not help.
Brain loops: Creativity everywhere. Everywhere. Estrangement. Soaring. Limitation. Art forms. Opening. Ego. Releasing. Grabbing. Separation. Elation. Suffering. The nature of. Connections. Disconnections. Understanding. Misunderstanding. Caring. Indifference. Not caring. Floating. Simultaneous caring not caring. Fear. Truth. Letting go. Illusions. Flying. Heaviness. Light. Sorrow. Light. Light.
Metta
yearning to fly
Maybe this photo conveys some of the magic of the light in Southern California...and the beauty of the ucla campus with Royce Hall here - as its centerpiece.
Association....two Royce Hall English classes with the formidable Dr. Clayton, (young, dynamic, and handsome.) A right answer (based on simply reading thoughtfully) and I was on top of the world. A wrong answer (which could be avoided by only answering when certain...) and - humiliation!
Association...an art class, with quick studies from a model. The instructor told me one of my images belonged in the Museum of Modern Art...Who knew?
Association....the basement here where my ucla portfolio resides. Still have that image. And the portfolio of work which includes a self-portrait isn't bad at all.
Association...a female professor who I noticed was not wearing a bra. No shock, just curiously noted at the time. Artists=Freedom+Exotica...
In Venice California we discovered a vegan restaurant called "Seed." It had an upscale version on Wilshire Blvd. where we also went. Amazing food. Bought 2 cookbooks and chatted with the chef who told us the family across the room was Toby Maguire's ("Spiderman" star. Here, I thought he was just another skinny vegan guy eating with his family.) Anyway, the cookbooks have rekindled my interest in macrobiotic cooking.
Today ended my 2rd week of classes. Feels like the 12th week. Lots of fretting over making the 3-D Design class fabulous, revamping and upgrading it. We'll see.
It's the "dead" of winter - but it's been so mild that snowdrop blades are popping up in the back yard! WTF - it's still January!!!
Life is so good, so sweet, so full! Just a few areas of heartache (wee but intense suffering) remain. Pledged to watch and explore the source of heartache. Inquiry—not analysis not judgment.
love, metta - and here's another artist's wise words (would like to substitute the word "self" for "skill"). These statements show once again (IMHO) that art making is transcendent and spiritual:
1.6.12
Christmas Gifts
Encinitas kite flying. Is a kite string the only thing between our spirit and the infinite?
Each night since return - a dream of California: first one -
sleeping on the sand at the beach. Heavenly!
While sleeping, a dream of sleep!
And it was heavenly. From time to time, usually at retreats, everything I carry around just falls away. Call it mental baggage, ego, conditioning, whatever—it has always felt like dropping a shell to me. Am left with pure freedom, pure ease, and a sense beyond words. Such an energy event happened Christmas Eve running barefoot on the beach.
On Christmas Day - another sort of satori. Ran again. Having done lots of running with my "five-fingers" shoes, figured another barefoot beach run would be fine. It was beyond fine. Gorgeous, warm day. Folks walking, playing, running on the beach. Clear skies. And something happened -
I truly ran for the very first time in my life.
Followed instincts...long stride (longer than I've ever taken), pushing off ball of foot and toes, and speed...Felt I could run forever. So comfortable, so easy, so beautiful, so absolutely natural!
Kite flyer watching his kite.
And so the Motherland calls....because running and yoga SO have to be done near the Pacific Ocean...and...the call is strong...
At MoCA LA in most cases I took photos of amazing artist words, posted as statements, instead of the actual painting/drawing or sculpture. Was delighted by wisdom of these art-related statements. Went from statement to statement instead of object to object!
Dinner with cousin in LA, a lawyer who is smart, funny, and just a good guy. I always thought his parents were the greatest, and mine - so boring! My dad's sister - his mom - always made me feel so safe and loved, and his dad - well, he was a lawyer then a judge and always full of fun and great stories.
Now back to my teeny, teeny world of (tee hee) sniping with the (soon to be gone) Director (isn't it my job to tell him how lame he is?), doing course syllabi, and writing many recommendations.
The yoga at Tim Miller's was really good. (Brag: touched head to floor from standing back bend.) Manju was very sweet and easy-going, and MH (certified Ashtangi in LA) was on my case about everything.
"That's just wrong," she said.
How can that be?
Gratitude! Blessings! Smiles! And more to come.
metta
12.17.11
matrix
The geek in me is really fascinated by these visually interesting QR (Quick Response) codes. I think they reference the mystery of ancient cultures or even some truth in our collective unconscious. Pretty deep stuff to pin on a matrix bar code, originally created in Japan for the auto industry! Above: Merry Christmas!
Here's a riddle: What do Wall St. Protesters and Ashtangis have in common? Answer: See image below and scan with phone's QR reader.
(Hint: Ashtanga is --% practice and --% theory - P. Jois)
Intense and deep massage yesterday by local woman recommended by RS. Wow, she doesn't mess around. Going back Monday so she can work on my back an entire session.
Okay. Leaving for S. California in a few days. Lots to do and not getting any of it done. Did turn in grades. Serious recommendations for several students and syllabi for 3 classes must be finished soon. LA, Encinitas, San Diego mean I hope - a warm Christmas! Yoga with Tim Miller and Manju, LOTS of art, and perhaps a visit with one or more cousin. AND living in that unique S. California light!
What a great run today...giving the yoga-stressed back a rest. Crossing the wooden bridge with its repeating shadows becoming an abstraction, felt I was falling through the universe.
Starting to think all these QR images look like what they say:
Finishing up a few cards to send to old pals. Glad to be away from the never ending trials at the U. Glad not to be caught up in the seasonal frenzy. For those who step back, a quieter, peaceful truth is available during the season and at work, and duh! --everywhere.
Also thinking about RG who leaves WNC soon. He got rid of (mostly) 90% of his stuff. Doubt he realizes how remarkable he is in many ways (guess most of us don't.) Anyway, inspired in part by his example - I am beginning a similar project/journey.
Good wishes, metta, and more to come in 2012.
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