1.31.10
The finger pointing to the moon is not the moon.
Likewise, the finger pointing at the clouds in front of the moon is not the clouds!
full moon 1.30.10 - overcast with 12" of snow
Full moon last night. Very bright and no sight of the moon! Another big storm and snowed in again. Enjoying it, though having daydreams of roaring down the hill in a truck with all-wheel drive.
Ashtanga at home this morning. Not quite the same. Slacked off on the vinyasas and had no punch for a back bend. Headstand, kukkutasana (had to put that in - because it's an onomatopoeia for rooster), others - ok.
Been thinking about how far words can go. Not far it seems. The exquisite beauty of these snowy days....the boredom, sense of divine, and frustration...divine frustration. We can use words perhaps to indicate the particular and from there intuit the "moon"?
*
Snowshoed in area around the house today to the pond, up in back, above the pond, the street, the stream. Blue blue sky, white crusty snow!
1/31 - sunny snowshoeing
metta
1.24.10
somethingness - nothingness
Ladakhi highway sign
Well, DEATH won't wait - that's how I felt most of the time on Ladakhi "highways." Narrow, one-lane unpaved curves carved into to precipitous terrain. Trucks roared down head-on until one vehicle moved over. YT began to relax after realizing, "OK, I'm gonna die. Might as well enjoy the view."
**
Ashtanga makes me feel like I'm 20 years old -- in the space between the end of the class and when the stiffness sets in! Need a month of daily, intensive practice.
**
Mother dreams.
1. Lost her in train station in Paris (felt like Bangalore) and was beset by anxiety. Had to get back to station (which I couldn't find - "Ou est Gare de l'Est?") and find her.
2. Am somewhere abroad and need to get "home." Call and realize I have to drive home instead of fly...because she is playing loud music into the phone. ???? Annoyance, acceptance, and certainty.
**
Occasionally there's a critique where I go into a sort of mental silence and watch the class take over the crit. I look at the work and listen to the comments and notice I don't have an opinion....this is surprising and sometimes a little scary.
**
metta
01.17.10
rants, phace-offs, and pseudonyms
The image is of an Ibaraki which my Japanese dictionary does not define. How about a wrathful deity? Or an angry old lady?! (With a lot of energy.)
Ha! That's what I'm becoming. Well, cranky at least. Offended by patronizing MD and her unpleasant assistant at an annual medical exam, had to put the lid on saying, "Hey! Stop pretending you care and are interested in me when it's obvious you're not!" Next day, a teenaged girl saw me running and yelled "You can do it!" I stopped running, looked at her, and said with some antagonism in my voice, "What do you mean by that?" Poor thing, said she was cheering me on - and then I got to meditate on my bad attitude: "You think I'm too old to run, huh? huh?" "Wanna race?" and similar projections, assumptions, and reactions. Ibaraki, indeed.
***
Classes began last week and body and mind were shocked by the sensory overload after 4 weeks of interacting with very few people. Buzzed, dizzy, and pleased by it all. Am looking forward to the grad class. Would like them to do a Facebook page, and in prep for that, put up a page (on Facebook) called Phasebook:
"Phasebook is a group interested in studying, deconstructing, subverting, creating art phrom, and making phun of a social phase, phace, book, or phenomenon on the internet. In time, Phasebook will phade and be phased out..."
Facebook-Phasebook phace-off
Have even revived one of my old pseudonyms for the project, Natalie Augur, and am working on reviving another, Melissa Raven. It hasn't left much time for working on other ideas that will occupy actual 3-d space!
Noodle-body from Ashtanga this AM (first class in a month) and warm, overloaded heart!
metta
01.09.10
evasions, trumpery, and trifles
Up here snow bound again. (Chuck at work and Prius can't get back once it goes down.) Doing whatever to avoid finishing syllabi. At a gathering last night had an interesting conversation about Facebook. We questioned its merits and generally agreed it was offensive for various reasons. (Of course, we're on it.)
Came home and saw exchanges among my nephew and his friends. Seems this goofy stuff makes FB worth it. -- Is it me or Is this funny?
It started with "Chris Roland is a winner," posted by who but Chris Roland. I especially like "Dude, you're not a weiner."
01.08.10
sparkle zest verve zing pizzazz
(stars)
Energy! And even a little clarity. Woke this AM from a pleasant dream. (Madonna was in it. Maybe YT has focused too much on pop culture these days? Well, better pop-brain than fog-brain.) Ready to go! For weeks its been otherwise. Ideas for own projects seem worthwhile, and am plowing fairly quickly through syllabi, schedules, readings, and assignments. Notice bit of anxiety about big upper level sculpture class and delighted by plans for readings and crits with grad class.
Yikes - we find out about the Warhol Grant next week. Bracing for elation or disappointment in large quantities either way. Foolishly having fantasies of how to announce our getting it(!) on Facebook. Where's my spiritual practice when I need it?!
A Daily Peace Quote this week was from Peace Pilgrim: "I don't eat junk food, and I don't think junk thoughts."
It's about 20 degrees - time to bundle up and run.
Poems would be easy if our heads weren't so full of the day's clatter. The task is to get through to the other side where we can hear the deep rhythms that connect us with the stars and tides. - S. Kunitz
01.01.10
Blue Moon 12.31.09
Peace! Peace!
To be racked by the infinite!
As if it didn't matter
which way was home;
as if he didn't know
he loved the earth so much
he wanted to stay forever:
-Stanley Kunitz
*
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
although some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
- Stanley Kunitz
12.29.09
long way longing
poinsettias, Kerala India 1/09
At the core of one's existence is a pool of energy that has nothing to do with personal identity, but that falls away from self, blends into the natural universe. Man has only a bit part to play in the whole marvelous show of creation.
- Stanley Kunitz
Was a long way from Key West on Christmas! And a long way from Mysore India, too! Ah well, many many bad movies and a case of bronchitis later...
metta
12.21.09
Bob Ross
happy trees and compassion
Have not been out of the house for 4 days and have felt increasingly lousy. Not so bad I need to sleep all day but just bad enough that I can't do anything. Also my "quality" filter is turned off. Have watched the WORST Bollywood movies (on Hulu) imaginable -- cardboard characters in trite, unbelievable dramas who break out in song and dance at the most stupid moments.
Don't care! I enjoyed most of them. It's a "sick" syndrome: used to watch Bob Ross painting "happy trees" on pbs when feeling ill. Hindi movies are certainly the film equivalent of Bob Ross. Guilty un-pleasures!
Did manage to finish "Peace," another remarkable short novel, like "White Tiger." Could only read a few pages at a time. It was so utterly dreary and heartbreaking. About soldiers in Italy during WW2. (Not a book I would ever pick up had it not been recommended.) At the end realized it's the perfect Christmas story. If Corporal Marson after all he's experienced can show compassion for a hate-filled man - if such a thing can even be imagined - then there is hope for all us. Marson is liberated and so are we. Amazement and joy from this huge, little book.
Key West may be off. First we couldn't get out because of the snow to make it to the airport. Now, feel too crummy to drive. We shall see.
Thinking of Christmas in India last year - it was hardly noticeable. For me the season is to be quietly and simply enjoyed - (if one can find silence amidst the frenzy - not hard when one is sick or in India.)
Solstice at around noon today. Tomorrow the light returns! (As it has for many in the area who got electricity back today.)
metta metta metta -
12.18.09
counting up and down
White is falling - 10" and counting! Predictions it will continue through Monday. So much for Kristmas in Key West! C is trying to cancel/change flight, lodgings.
YT is fighting a bug. Large quantities of OJ and C capsules. Now feel pretty good. Such a crazy week -- Monday's grad crit final started at 4pm and ended about 2:30 am. Then yesterday - a clean-up final and lots of business.
December has two full moons....the blue one will be on the 31st.
Friend sent me "Reflections" of Stanley Kunitz. Here's one:
"Years ago I came to the realization that the most poignant of all lyric tensions stems from the awareness that we are living and dying at once. To embrace such knowledge and yet to remain compassionate and whole -that is the consummation of the endeavor of art."
12.5.09
rocky road
First snow today. Lovely and cold! Ran in regular running shoes part way around the lake. Ow! Calves are still sore from running in the "5-finger" shoes (image below). Ran almost 3/4 around a few days ago in the 5-fingers before realizing my calves and arches were screaming STOP. Guess I will have to get used to them more slowly. Quite amazing otherwise. Felt like I could run fast and enjoyed the feel of foot to ground. Today-the opposite - felt like I was wearing two cement blocks!
Something ....other than my feet....feels lighter lately. Maybe the impulse to cling is giving up the ghost. Resistance is futile though it persists anyway.
Semester winding down. Last week of classes ahead.
Warm heart. Cold feet. Hot bath.
metta
full moon 12.1.09
11.28.09
throw it away
Survived Thanksgiving and heart thumps have settled down to occasional misfires. Truth is, am grateful - sometimes - for excuse to face fears. Anyway, do I have a choice? Suffer and learn or just suffer....like these shoes, not pretty.
Abbey Lincoln sings a song, "Throw It Away, "'Cause you can never lose a thing if it belongs to you ...Throw it away!" A sweet, sad song - about flying....or so it seems to YT.
Above are the new running shoes I ordered. Goofy. They may turn out to be fabulous - for their intended purpose or just goofy. The theory is that pricey traditional running shoes make your feet weak. Guess I'll find out.
C is visiting his son for 3 days. It's quiet and I get to catch up and settle down. Looking into a Florida Keys, Ashtanga Christmas.
little metta
Where is god?
God is everywhere. |
