11.22.09
slings and arrows
As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Leonardo's exhibit (mostly drawings) at the High in Atlanta last weekend - inspiring! Took Portfolio class on Friday and stayed for opera "Orfeo and Euredice" and more art through Sunday. The opera featured a counter-tenor, in fact, a male soprano. C never got over "weirdness" of it and disliked the opera. I just didn't care for the opera itself much.
Skipping beats all the time - my heart is, these days. There has been a bit of stress - being very busy combined with pain and relief of genuinely facing and feeling emotions, fears, etc. Specifics of this process were "inspired" by a Rosencrantz and Gildenstern situation. How does one define a friend? And why would one need to?
Speaking of R and G - Hamlet played at our Waynesville theater this weekend featuring a remarkable, young Hamlet and friends, Barbara and Steve. Yesterday was an opening reception for thesis exhibition at wcu yesterday for one of my grads - "The Exposing Stitch: Personal Fears of Childbearing."
"Born to Run" is a very good read. It's going to change my running habits and shoes, I think. About long distance runners, the uselessness and harm of fancy running shoes, a sort of unspoken spiritual component, all tied to the Raramuri of Mexico. Writer McDougall's style is a bit like Carlos Castaneda's.
So the heart is misfiring and aching ...literally. Moving on now to deal with all the "to-do items on a long list.
11.8.09
rusty stuff
Quiet Sunday. C is watching football. I'm catching up on communications. Fixed dinner for 8 last night, a labor intensive meal to welcome new art historian.
Days have been exquisite - all rust and infinite blue. Most of the leaves are down. Been doing a lot of watching them during "meditation." Their falling patterns are remarkable as they float, zag, and flow toward the ground. Often feel I'm on a this gentle soaring journey with them......aaaaah....
Leaves letting go, and YT is at other times raking angst. Lots of questions. Stuck, sticky. Tangled up mind and don't know if I'm hearing heart. Don't know. Only don't know.
metta
11.3.09
full moon Nov. 2
angst and revelations
Leonard Cohen concert Sunday - "Transcendent" is the word one friend used to describe it. YT thinks it was art/music making unseparated from spiritual devotion and audience and a commitment to the moment of a zen master (tho unlikely he would cop to that). Attendees were so quiet, as if anxious not to miss one word of the lyrics. Such a sorrowful voice counterbalanced by sweet voiced back-up singers and exquisitely skilled musicians. Oh, and one more thing....he's 75 - kneeling on the floor and dancing. Quite a wabi-sabi guy.
More on angst and revelations (of my own) later.
10.28.01
pumpkin pizzazz
Image - today at about 10:40 AM, right around the corner, on Old Balsam Road, practically our back yard. Finally had to stop for that blazing truck below equally orange tree. Spicy ...truly fall in the mountains!
surrender
Lovely Sangha this morning. We're reading from TNH's book "Power," and something hit home. Have felt "off" since episode of the no-show Portfolio class when I was so angry with students. Since, there's been an inner something (dukkha) watching me at work - and making not at all helpful comments, critical actually.
In the book TNH with his usual quiet wisdom gave an example of how he wants his students to be. Often it's not how they are - and that he has learned to let them be. That resonated. I think he would also say to me, "So, you didn't do that this time. It's OK. Be gentle; let it be."
The trajectory of our spiritual lives and of all spiritual awakening is toward surrender.
- Adyashanti
10.25.09
Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you. -- Hafiz
The essence of your energy expands as it blends with the energy around you and you sense that you are as big as the universe. Those little voices inside your head, reminding you of who you are...become silent....Everything, including the life force you are becomes pure energy. -- Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight"
running through the streets
That first quote makes me want to dance. What an expression of love and bliss!
Taylor's book (2nd quote) is a page-turner. Here's to the right brain...and may we all find it without losing our left.
All of a sudden - in just one week - the green has turned to shades of gold - everywhere - remarkable and exquisite! Mountains are ablaze. Thought I would burst with happiness (!) this morning sweeping leaves and breathing chilly invigorating fall air.
The life force you are becomes pure energy.
Have just finished doing a 5 minute video (from 18 minutes)of the the Portfolio class opening. (Same obsession w/technology as last year doing Catholicity.) Recorded lots of yadda yadda - much of it my own and easily edited it out! Reminds me of Adya musing during last - retreat "What if we only spoke the truth and didn't talk to entertain?" Whew! That would shut me up. Did a little tribute to James Thompson - by having his image at the end with "fin." (He's a Delacroix scholar.)
Leaving shortly for yoga. Jason's last class -alas - with us. Sending vibes for an Ashtanga teacher...and sending out
metta
trying to find you
10.18.09
When one talks of consciousness, one is likely to think in terms of the individual. But understand that it is not really the individual that has consciousness, but consciousness that assumes many forms. --- Nisargadatta
***
Meditation without a set formula, without a cause and reason, without end and purpose is an incredible phenomenon. --- Krishnamurti
  
hints of change
Chill was in the air this morning - temperature of 30. Over half the leaves were hanging on even in a gusty wind. Lots of yellow and remaining green. Rarer is deep rust. Seemingly hardy and profuse summer native growth is dying back, leaving open spaces. Getting sneak peaks of mountain views.
Mid-term critiques with grads last week. Got to wondering just what teaching really is. Is it another form of exploring truth - for students and me? Is my role to guide students and myself to awareness through creativity and the class structure? It seems that is what is happening.
Also an event occurred - undegrads failed to go to course web site as requested and none of them knew that a guest was meeting with them for class an hour early. Therefore no one showed up. YT was upset, angered by (what I perceive as) lack of commitment. Awareness for me here, was by way of class "structure" - requests I had made and assumptions colliding with truth.
Doing a full moon collaboration with a friend. We'll each do something similar - photograph the moon and write something - then combine what we get.
Tassajara cookbook's mushroom galette was tasty last night, but did not know by what increment I needed to increase it. Something happened that I've always gone to great lengths to avoid: there was not enough food. I somehow allowed it to happen and survived - but with some shame. A rule was ignored: try a recipe before serving it to guests.
Ashtanga today - hooray.
big hearted
metta
green and growing
10.12.09
 *
stop complaining
Your problem is that you like one part of your dream (life) and not another. Love all or none of it, and stop complaining. - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
!
It's the grayest of days, perfect for doing nothing or doing lots of things. Fall break this year broke into two weeks - so I have until Wednesday for luxury of doing something and/or nothing.
Longer meditation than usual this morning, easy self-directed yoga, watching how a rainy day unfolds.
Lots of catching up these past few days too. Major cleaning frenzy. How I love clearing out. Getting rid of STUFF. Rearranged office. Clean, clean, and sort of clean. How did I accumulate so much stuff? And why do I cling to it? Maybe because objects access memories otherwise forgotten. Do I need those memories? Mental accumulations. - Too much stuff!
Long for and fear truth. Sinking like a stone into fear - is freedom.
metta
*Nisargadatta - look at him! Fierce love. W. Makichen said that Adyashanti "takes no prisoners" - that certainly had to be true of Nisargadatta.
10.4.09
  
elixirs
Looking forward to some days of quiet later this week, the beginning of fall break. Last weekend, after the sculpture conference, friend and I went to Okcracoke Island (2 1/2 hour ferry ride - one-way) on North Carolina's Outer Banks. Lots of adventures.
Today back from 2 days in Atlanta. The Contemporary had two shows that were good - "Remnant World" and "The Silent Echo Chamber." The latter was such a simple yet hugely powerful piece. It was a series of video loops of well-known political, media, and news figures (Dr. Phil to Hillary to Chris Wallace) each on a different monitor - waiting before they went on camera. To see these always talking heads be silent was stunning, also a study of how they/we present ourselves.....(Perhaps needed by these folks - #1 below)
Saw Elixir of Love - wonderful, fun opera by Donizetti. (See #1 and #4 below.)
I have cold feet!! Planned to do this Mysore style yoga class at 6:45 every morning next week and am fretting I don't know First Series well enough. (Needed - #2 below. Turn not much into something fabulous.)
Little evidence of fall in Atlanta except for perfectly mild temperature. Here, lots of leaves. We are almost through with all the remodeling. Hmmm, now that I want to sell the house.
YT is another year older and doesn't care one bit! (See #3 below)
elixir |i?liks?r|
noun
1. a magical or medicinal potion : an elixir guaranteed to induce love.
2. a preparation that was supposedly able to change metals into gold
3. (also elixir of life) a preparation supposedly able to prolong life indefinitely.
4. a medicinal solution of a specified type : a natural herbal cough elixir.
METTA
9.22.09
snow leopard, chakras 2 & 4
Happy to be back on-line. My Powerbook, only 4 years old - gave out. Snow Leopard OS on new replacement MacBook Pro(!) is apparently not fully compatible with Adobe Creative Suite 3. Lots of time wasted trying to get answers from Adobe. Finally decided just to reinstall. Dreamweaver - still showing recent sites in CHINESE. In an easy program like Contribute, got the loop out myself. No good words for Adobe.
But otherwise, geek heaven. Do love figuring this stuff out.
Leave Thursday early for UNC sculpture conference. So much to do.
Equinox today - a delicate balance. Recent fear facing: churning gut, the old 2nd chakra. More words later regarding fear and freedom.
unbound heart
spills metta
everywhere
emerald green
9.6.09
Cai Guo Qiang "Self Portrait"
gunpowder, oil on canvas
noodles
Cracked open an eye and peaked out during meditation this a.m. Dogwood in front of window has several crimson leaves and many with rusty edges. And maybe my imagination - think crickets' pitch gets higher the closer we get to fall.
Agonizing fun to redo bathroom. Fancy myself quite the interior designer(!)
Seeing wabi sabi everywhere - my face, body, the house, trees, sky, food.....Aaaah, food. "Tassajara Dinners and Desserts" recently arrived, Love it. Shared its meal of mint, ginger udon noodles with treasured friend. Also saw "Julie and Julia." Julia Child was and maybe still is - my honorary mother. I so wanted one like her (the one I saw on tv), not having much appreciation for my own mater.
Krishnamurti from "Krishnamurti's Notebook":
When there is destruction of time, as thought, there's no movement in any direction, no space to cover, there's only the stillness of emptiness. This is total destruction of time as yesterday, today, and tomorrow, as the memory of continuity, of becoming...And death to time is life in the present.
Couple days ago, profound thoughts about form-emptiness and not believing thoughts while circumnavigating Lake J.- Now forgotten. Death to time (and thought) is life in the present (tee hee!)
Lovely Sunday. Fantasies of a new life not teaching but doing something wonderful and....OPEN....as open as the unbound heart.
metta
8.29.09
curly leaves
Classes have begun. After the usual hassle with Mr. T over enrollment, courses, etc., things have settled. What was different this time is that YT (yours truly) did not just get annoyed or angry as usual, but stayed steady in persisting - calmly - in getting information from him. The lines did not get shut down. It's something new, and it feels right.
Warhol grant is finished and MD will submit electronically. Sticky spots there also. He wanted to change Deconstructing Dogma to Examining Doctrine - or something like that - also to change Broken Treaties to something more polite, and add sentence about Asheville's sister city selecting an artist. Did not want to see proposal diluted and made strong arguments to keep as is - and he did - I think....
Friend Karen sent link to Tricycle magazine article by her friend - about Tassajara cooking. (Just ordered "Tassajara Dinners and Desserts"!) Its content often reminds me of (how I feel about) art-making - ie it's the process not the produce. (Ha, that's a typo, meant: it's the process not the product.) Anyway - hee hee - here's the produce - -
the mindful focus is more on the kale in your hands—its curly leaves, earthy smell, and deep-green color—than on the casserole you hope will come out of the oven crisp and browned at precisely seven o’clock.
TNH retreat in Batesville was cancelled. He's ill, and perhaps becoming fragile at almost 83 years old. Wishing him well and hope to be in his presence another time soon.
While searching for an early TNH book, came across one of Krishnamurti's I've had (yikes!) maybe 40 years, "Krishnamurti's Notebook." Looks to be more informal and from the heart than his others. Can't wait to get into it (again).
Deck Watch
Tall, cool evenings and daily
the requisite leaf-sweep -
a magically appearing folio of
approximately 53
steady, here and there
Ah, it's still so, so green and
the crickets are making such delightful sounds
metta
8.25.09
runaway
A heart monitor? Not for me this round. Unnerving, irregular heartbeats have faded to a soothing da-dum da-dum da-dum. A long time since it felt like something or someone was beating my chest from the inside....trying (desperately, it seemed) to get out. Maybe it did. Finally escaped its bone cage - confinement, restraints, protection.
What protects also confines.
Perhaps you've seen the depictions of Christ in which he is literally reaching in, pulling the skin of his chest open and revealing a beautiful radiant, glowing heart. This is one depiction of the opening of the spiritual heart. An awakened being is a tremendously emotionally available being - someone who is not defending himself or herself...(and is) totally unguarded. - Adyashanti
one-heart broke wide
open
yet again
and tears fell
on or in?
an empty shell
yoga-ananda!
Where is god?
God is everywhere |
