Lidia made exquisite Thanksgiving blueberry torte,
Patrick kept his head down, and Cathy sent me home
with dough for fabulous flat bread.
Initiated in the excesses of the season!

Lots of response to "Emptiness Dancing." Any attempt to
achieve state of "enlightenment" takes one farther from it.....
a dance indeed.

It's lusciously warm, clear, sunny. Now for a lean, mean run.

Meditation struggle:
muddy-mind.
Once after pitching forward-
"OK-not fighting it any more.
If I fall asleep
so be it
even if I fall flat on face - but
WILL WATCH MY FALLING ASLEEP."
Very interesting what followed. Little difficulty
with it since...until last week's retreat.

Recipe for suffering:
focus, alertness, attention to breath = good
sleepiness, mind-wandering, muddy head = bad.

Recent dream:
I wake up - then realize -
am still dreaming. This occurs several times
until I'm disconcerted and do wake up (I think).

Commonalities with little-mini-me**:
occasional competitiveness (uh oh, not THAT)
and longing for a miracle (?).
Used to stare at statue
of Virgin Mary
until I thought
her head moved!

* me and Austin Powers
*In movie "Seven-Up" subjects, now 49 yrs
saw little in common with themselves as children.

each leaf
spirals
floats
zigs
or zags
descending
in absolute grace
and resist – lessness
can it really be that easy?

Today - gorgeous and cold. Bits of intense russet and deep gold remain; view of mountains is back. Am smiling, feel light - seems I'm taking refuge in my dreams...

For years have experienced anxiety dreams, including two recently. (Dream suffering-how unfun is
that?) Despite the usual nastiness, something different, very interesting happened in both.

In first dream, remember thinking, "This situation would have really bothered me before I began my practice." Felt so comforted, so sure that everything would be OK.

In last night's, I turned to someone who had just said something awful and accusatory to me. With great certainty I looked at her and said - "Look, you and I both know I'm a good person." And the dream person agreed!