27 Dec 06
two hands clapping
Christmas '06 - felt like a lot of work. Enjoyed cleaning, cooking, all the preparations while aware of an underlying stress.
Did not live up to/meet an opportunity - in this case releasing stuff I apparently love to cling to. Trying to please, never
being enough - all in Christmas clothing. Aha!
On the other hand - treasured friends and company. For this, gratitude. And Chuckmas Day (Chuck's birthday yesterday) was
low-key and enjoyable.
Sangha this morning - Steve and Betsy's wonderful dog Rosie is dying. Her labored yet peaceful breath-if that's possible
- was a strong presence as we sat. A tear escaped; then Mozart cat added warm-hearted purrrs.
Spaciousness! It's a gorgeous very cold day. Sun is finally hitting the house. Time for a run in the sun.
:::
15 Dec 06
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"A thing worth doing is its own purpose and meaning.
Make nothing a means to something else."
- Nasargadatta Maharaj
:::
14 Dec 06
let it be
I always stick the venetian blind cords up high so Mela kitty can't reach and be hurt by them. This morning as I meditated,
she pulled a cord down and raucously played with it. Mind then made a story - the cord would strangle(!) her - because I
had continued to sit - and then another spin - I'd be miserable forever about it.
Had to smile, almost laugh at the sillines of phantom building projects. (Others abound.)
Lots of insights from my first sesshin last weekend. To let go, to face terror, to allow discovery to follow a course which
I do not try to affect - feels like falling, floating, flying.
:::
13 Dec 06
mom's breath
Lit a candle for you Monday
and for our contentious love
Exactly 7 years before
sat by your bed
determined to be a companion
to your final exhilation
Left the vigil once -
eyes meeting a stranger's
small talk with a cashier
pad thai enjoyed alone
inhaling wintry air
So momentous it was
so ordinary it was
your very last gift
:::
