Now hearing cardinals all day! Clutches of white and purple crocus are here and there. Watched and heard a song sparrow in forsythia bush. The world is waking up...

but I am not. Fighting off sleep in order to finish stuff - Iron Age Computer-Printer in wood for mold-making workshop tomorrow (nowhere near done), assignments, press releases, orders, trip to Athens (GA), plowing through a grad thesis paper, cleaning house (Brian - doing workshop is staying here), fixing a meal for tomorrow, charging van's dead battery, getting mold-making supplies and more.

Saw Jacquei from sangha at Ingles. We were so delighted to see each other. What an interesting, generous, truly beautiful older woman she is.

Okay - a 5 minute cat nap instead of running.

Took some pictures of Lola (posted, cat pics) and looked at ones of Mela. It hurts.

Lola is visually a cross between Valerie (calico) and Mela (gray tabby.) She has such lovely muted coloring. She's quiet, affectionate, gentle, seems sad...

Bright, cold day. Perfect for a run at Junaluska.

Heard a cardinal sing today - second time this month, neither tentative nor accomplished but most welcome! At 32 degrees for the high, it must be the length of day not temperature, prompting him or her to sing. Crocus leaves are unchanged from a week ago. Indoors, my first day lily bloomed (flowers last 1 day), a row of orchids has been open for a while, and narcissus has peaked.

Lola is recovering from her spay surgery. She was pregnent with 3 kittens that I was inclined to keep. Chuck argued otherwise.

Purchased an expensive vacuum cleaner, the composter, a new yoga mat and carrying case, among other things - a fun spendfest.

AND "I feel pretty..." At last - got my hair cut, what I was setting out to do on Jan 20, day of Mela tragedy.

Christine sent a CD - Devotchka -little girl in Russian, "How It Ends." They're an Indie group - very haunting, eclectic, and interesting. Like it when friends direct me to good books and music.

Oh, and this made my day - the Univ. of Illinois has retired The Chief. (I'll refrain from rude comments about how backward and insular that place is.)

Ha!

"Do not seek outside of yourself; you are the sought. Be still and all will come to you."
- Adyashanti


Most wintry of wintry days -
dead of winter blowing snow
gray and brown surround
a bed of tiny crocus leaves.


A bit of a blizzard today - though nothing is sticking yet. What a fine day to catch up, read the NY Times, cook, do some on-line shopping (uh-oh - got my eye on a fancy composter - ha - this is not an oxymoron), and try to get Lola out of the bedroom.

This morning for some reason, eyes opened momentarily while sitting as usual, in front of window. The wild turkey family appeared, and their number has increased from 5 to 8! Looked like 5 females and 3 males in two groups. Gorgeous! Do turkeys have flocks? Which ones among these are mother and chicks from last summer?

More on Mt. Madonna - there were SO many people there - 240! - that it was impossible to be noticed or have a personal relationship with the teacher. Asking a question during QA period was a way to make such a connection. However, I did not have a question, and my attempts to find one felt forced. Realized it is not necessary to have a personal connection, to be noticed, or to make oneself stand out, and doing so has NOTHING at all to do with what is learned, growth, or enlightenment.

Big Bang released my spirit..to come home.

Metta.

“Grief is the pain we all pay for love."
- Racehorse Barbero's Owner. (Barbero was euthanized this week.)


Named new kitty Lola - an abbreviation of Delores which means sorrow, appropriate for the day she arrived, and yes, she does seem very sad. Perhaps it's just relative to Mela who seemed to never stop moving. She doesn't play much (even though she's only 3 months older than Mela), and she goes bezerk if Binky or Buster even look at her. Buster is broken-hearted. He chases her and tries to play as he did with Mela. When he is rebuffed with hisses, growls, and screeches - he wails - not meows - and sounds like a crying human...Makes my heart ache (more).

So Lola spends her time with the door closed in the bedroom. Like me, she may get a little more perky as the days pass.