There is not one day my heart fails to ache for Mela. Every time I take the Prius out of the garage, I am reminded with pangs of sorrow, horror, and regret. Never loved a little creature so much. Should be elated because tax info is gathered and ready for Chuck. Instead a tear is rolling down my cheek...

Don’t try to hold onto what is realized, be what is realized.

You cannot maintain realization or sustain it. In order for

it to always be, you must be it yourself—in your humanity.

- Adyashanti


Iron pour last night. - exhilarating, exhausting! Very glad it's over. Now can get a full night's sleep for first time in weeks and catch up on a dozen things (like yuk tax stuff). Weather was perfect. Everything and everyone co-operated beautifully. Students broke into molds about 10 PM and in about an hour, most were out and looked good.

Ran today - only the second time since being sick - just no time. Felt good even though puffing. So warm these two days - in the mid-70's. Pink blossom canopied me and deck! Glorious tree. Glorious day.

Temperature fell to the 20's last night - so expect our lovely weeping cherry blossoms will turn brown in a few days (which seems to happen every year.) The magnolia had not opened but cherry and peach were just getting started.

The pace of things lately has been fast. The iron pour is next Friday. Hope to relax after that; however have been called to jury duty the following Monday. The beat goes on.

Ann juried the student show yesterday, and today we worked together on jurying WCA show. The process is so arbitrary. Not all students - or artists - understand this. We have ideas about deconstructing the way artists are rejected or accepted from a show. Will be interesting to see how we eventually handle it. We are moving toward a face to face discussion with each artist. Think our creativity can be used to arrive at new models of how artists are treated.

Would be so good to at least finish one part of this cast iron piece before the pour (hope to do that tomorrow). Being sick over break really bit into time AND seemed to send me back to Ego/Conditioning Square 1. Also Mind has idealized pre-flu state, and longs to go back to it. That longing and idealization - so I understand - are exactly what make return to it impossible.....

Metta.

Forsythia is popping yellow, willow has chartreuse blush, and buds on the weeping cherry wait in deep blood red. Wish there were time for a cherry blossom viewing - full moon party a la Japonaise - this year.

Walked briskly around Junaluska today and noted how cranky and angry I am since being sick! There's a whole litany of things that are making me mad - starting with irritation with other drivers and just strangers in general.

It all started last week when I noticed the clutter in the basement. Chuck puts stuff thoughtlessly - any where. Example - asked him to fill bird feeders. At first he did not put away 2 bags of seed. Then after being asked to do so - he stuffed it on the closet shelf.

Okay and yesterday - he's working in the yard with a small pruner when there's trees about to fall on the house!! Had also asked him to straighten the white pine that our neighbor hit when sliding down the hill several weeks ago - which he did not.

So there it is - energy - not really experienced for a while. And here's another truth. While sick last week - was definitely not OK with "whatever was." Too miserable for that.

Finally, to top it off - watched a perfectly horrible movie last night - "Running with Scissors." What is entertaining about watching people live lives that are miserable and unkind?

Well, irrespective of rantings - the day is gorgeous. Must confess to looking forward to doing the dishes, reading the Times, and sitting on the deck watching color.

Miniscule metta, wink, and very small smile...

Traveling along at high speed and slammed right into the flu - chills, body aches, fever, pounding head aches, and hacking cough. Pure misery and suffering undiluted by any degree of awareness practice. Other than being aware I wanted to - ha - escape or die!

Also the most gorgeous week!! Warm, sunny, sweet days that are no longer winter and not quite spring....

So a spring break spent in bed. Thought flu shots were for old people. If so, then I shall in the future count myself a member of that group.

Oh, and the ba-aaad TV! OK, I do like how Judge Judy screams at people she thinks are jerks. Know I'm sick when Montel, Dr Phil, and Maury DON'T make me want to wash dishes or do something/anything else.

For several days just the thought of food was offensive. Ate nothing. Heart started beating irregularly (normalized now). Began craving tofu, fish, chicken a couple of days ago. Wonder if such craving means body wants/needs protein.

Appetite returning...just can't figure out exactly what to eat - other than vegetarian "chicken" patties (and God knows what's in them!)