Shifting energies today. Certain things must be finished before leaving for Durham and Mexico. Urgency and purposefulness feel quite different.

Retreat was very uncomfortable and discouraging for the one who sees herself as a hotshot who "gets" it all. Unclenched painfully, knuckle by knuckle - my grip of phantoms. Or maybe they loosened clutch on me.

It was a large group, 300 people, and I spent time trying to outsmart them - be in places where they weren't. (Found the perfect place and time to wash in the morning.)

So interesting and useful (for me) not to have a personal relationship with a teacher. There are so many students and anyway - it's not something that happens with him. He's also very clear about not confusing the FINGER that points AT the moon with the MOON. Perfect for one inclined to yield knowing to a supposedly higher authority.

Here's an idea losing its hold - the end of a path and even travel on it - will be mostly bliss. Also that there IS an end to the path!

There was a fabulous little painting near chair on dais. "Self-Reflection" was written below the image: a ridiculous-faced clown gazing at his reflection in water - the Buddha.

* * * * * * * *

DIA-Beacon, 50 miles below Rhinebeck, where I stopped on the way back, is an amazing space currently fllled with minimalist and conceptual art. Really just very cold stuff so the visit was short.

A lot of driving, about 13 hours one way and quite enjoyable. Watched 2 Godfather movies in motel coming home. After all that how could I not be fully realized??

* * * * * * * *

Al Pacino's eyes...self-reflection...resistance is futile...

Feel like I'm getting ready to jump off a cliff.
Whose idea was it to DRIVE to Rhinebeck?

Peace Pilgrim - I am not.
Forget toothbrush and comb -
I've packed the entire bathroom.

And so the adventure begins!

Fading in and out of discomfort, suffering over indecision, confusion. Scary - close to core. And primary relationship - a last frontier? At times not-knowing, not-deciding feels irrelevant; at others, MONUMENTAL.

Small, only a pesky (and safely impersonal) example - drive or fly to retreat next week in Rhinebeck NY?

Other trips this summer seem to be on hold. Have felt ambivalent (hmmm - there it is again!) about travel. Also, Chuck's sister is not well, and staying near may become important.

"West Side Story" last night at local theater. How wonderful is the music!! Makes me want to sing, shout, fly, and be in a play!


May God steal from you
All that steals you from Him.

- Rabi'a al-Alawiyya, Islamic mystic

A reporter asked Peace Pilgrim if she had any secrets.

She answered "No."

"Are you sure?" he persisted.

"I have no secrets."

"Everyone has secrets. Don't you have just one?"

Finally she said, "I have one. The truth is, I died to myself many years ago."

Turkeys haunt and peck the lawn
yesterday's rafter a natural 8
today a selection of 6
Can't be our Lola
Cautiously she
moves away
from 3 teen turks.
Stealth shaped and
just as fast, turk-mom
chases her under the house

Went to baseball game Friday night. Such an interesting game - long spaces between action (form - emptiness!) Always feels like stepping back a century when we go. Warm summer evenings, slow and easy, everyone talking, eating, sometimes watching the game, rooting for the home team - pure magic. Contemporary intrusions include that faux excitement thing - blasting music. The louder it is - the harder they're trying to create illusion of fun...