beneath a Janus round moon
walking two half circles

we only faintly
noticed

its tacit
totality

witnessing
our words

A year and one day ago, it was a warm January day. Was a bit rushed to get to Asheville in time for hair appointment. Mela -a creature of infinite joy, sat on lowest basement step watching me open garage door and get into car. I consciously chose not to put her upstairs, thinking "She's a cat - not a kitten now. She'll know as cats do - to stay where she is."

How foolish and wrong I was. Have shed many tears over what happened. Heartache still painfully fresh and felt anew every time I drive car out of garage.

. . .

A year and one day ago, a cat who looked just like Mela except for spot of muted orange on forehead, came to back door, slightly crazed - as I was - and has never left.

. . .

Spaciousness resulting from my teaching only 2 classes this semester is allowing creativity and new ideas to flow = fun.

. . .

Dream: I've quickly packed a suit case that contains just what I need. It's surprisingly small and light. Realize that I've left out some very important stuff - such as two very heavy square-shaped steel objects. I pack them.

. . .

Read about 2 recent robberies in Waynesville paper and they seem to have much in common with one at studio. Someone may be caught - but tool recovery is unlikely.

. . .

A person who steals needs something desperately. What did and do I have now? Everything under the sun...including grace and gratitude.

Metta

"First, you experienced something...the time when human pettiness

vanishes...But under no circumstances must you believe that this is an

accomplished fact. The sorcerers' world is not an immutable world

like the world of everyday life, where they tell you that once you reach

a goal, you remain a winner forever. In the sorcerers' world, to arrive

at a certain goal means that you have simply acquired the most efficient

tools to continue your fight, which, by the way, will never end."



Don Juan in "The Active Side of Infinity" by Carlos Castaneda
(See "10,000 Idiots" by Hafiz below)

Loss of tools has had repercussions - not all bad. For one, Lawnmower Man Jim and I, with mutual history of mistrust and suspicion, have bonded. (That's probably an exaggeration. How about -we don't mistrust each other as much?) Theft has pushed me to consider moving out of studio and storing artwork, materials, and few remaining tools in our garage. Finally, it's caused me to ponder possibilities of making sculpture without tools.

Good art doesn't always require expensive materials and tools. We spent three days in NYC last week and did whirlwind tour of the biggies - Met, Guggenheim, Whitney (those in one day!), New Museum, and MoMA. Saw Tara Donovan's obsessive installation, done solely with silver reflective tape in relief. It looked like small round crystals on the walls. Bet the only tools used were scissors and utility knife.

We saw a couple of plays -best was" Spamalot" -and had some good meals between culture stops. Missed meeting Lisa and Wendy at MoMA (apparently we waited for each other at different parts of building), and I decided - ENOUGH! of past patterns. That is, easily avoided and remedied miscommunications resulting in L being annoyed and/or angry with me.

"Every one of us human beings has two minds. One is totallly ours,
and it is like a faint voice that always brings us order, directness,
purpose. The other mind is a 'foreign installation.' It brings us
conflict, self-assertion, doubts, hopelessness."

-Don Juan in "The Active Side of Infinity" by Carlos Castaneda


*

Yesterday went to studio and did some serious work on three pieces. Was looking forward to spending time there today, when I got phone call from, Jim - Lawnmower Man, who rents another part of building -- a break-in had occurred.

Just about all my tools were gone including bolt cutters thieves used to cut hole in fence for exit. Left behind were a couple of sanders and my welder which for some reason was abandoned halfway out the door. Both wood and metal cutting chop saws gone. About $2000 worth.

Police - useless. It was Jim who noticed where and how they exited leaving remnants of their jacket, and an mp3 player.

Not able to to do much today and couldn't cry either.

Jim shocked me when he said he preferred a murderer to a thief. Later he used the "N" word...as in "We have mp3, now we'll find out what kind of music the thief likes, country, rock 'n' roll, or n----r music." Think my mouth dropped open at that point. Then, he, the policeman, and another guy started looking at a nude girlie magazine. Hey, don't those three things qualify for some sort of bingo prize?

Water and oil shot with electricity - reality jolt! Seems one of us is sheltered by homologous nature of academic and art worlds.

As for thieves, I always like to think they needed stuff more than me - that I gave a forced donation.

On the other hand, right now - losing it all just feels rotten.

* * *

Final word about retreat - a guy got up and said he heard a question asked of a guru a few years ago and thought it would be a good one to "use." He said he had no personal connection to it except he thought it would make him look good. Admired him for saying so and thought of things I do and say to seem or appear a certain way.

Began "The Translucent Revolution" recommended by Mike.


*

It is always a danger
To aspirants
On the
Path

When they begin
To believe and
Act

As if the ten thousand idiots
Who so long ruled
And lived
Inside

Have all packed their bags
And skipped town
Or
Died.

-Hafiz