7.21.11
moon shadows
lunar footprint
Working on the "collab" project - feels good. Learning lots about the moon, my process (I work slooooowly),and how we work together. Exploration. Lots of ideas for future pieces relating to this subject - interested in altering the parameters. It feels a lot looser now, and that opens things up creatively.
Looking for a cool "enso" image to put here...
Printed the above image (I found it disturbing) on cheesecloth and sent it a few months ago so we could both work on pieces at the same time.
Can't find an enso I like. Maybe make one.
Ironic - felt trapped by circles during this project;
yet an enso seems so perfect right now.
Not easy working in the basement. Low ceiling. No space. Can't find things and always discovering the tool I need Right Now was stolen. It changes things.
It's a bit of a whine.
At the same time—
Fine!
Whine!
Summer means focus time for art and 8Limbs (Ashtanga). Big black cat needs care. If all is well, pranayama and asana in Atlanta soon. And busy mode returns. Little time to really clean etc before our week-long visitor arrives.
It takes time to find and get to know an artful, heartful friend.
Happy for the future of a visual poet,
while knowing I will miss her
very much.
*
Hakuin Eikaku
(found one - Hakuin, of course! The perfect mu - moon)
7.9.11
confirm thy soul
"America" by Glenn Ligon at LACMA (his solo at Whitney closed 6/5/11)
"America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!"
From the 2nd verse of "America the Beautiful"
We spend our time engrossed in activity, caught up in an eternal flight from pain and unpleasantness. We spend our energies trying to make ourselves feel better, trying to bury our fears. We are endlessly seeking security. Meanwhile, the world of real experience flows by untouched and untasted. - Henepola Gunaratana
Does summer peak just after it begins? On say, July 4? In(ter)dependence Day? Maybe.
America and baseball. Think "The Natural," "Bull Durham," and "Field of Dreams" to get a feel of the mystique, and for everyday ordinariness: Asheville fans can now buy front row - seats with a table - and have the bonus(?) of all they can eat. (A LOT.) We sat just behind watching both the game and the ingesting fans.
Happened to connect with an easy-going but hard core Ashtangi from Baton Rouge at a small, pleasant party last night.
Binky declines and C goes back to the vet again and again. Heartache.
America...
6.26.11
Maurizio Cattelan, Untitled
at LACMA - a giant museum goer or teeny installation? You decide!
(Elevator door opens and closes every few minutes.)
3rd Limb Elevators
By doing all the asana and sweating a lot, it's very simple: a lot of toxins and blockages are getting removed from the body and from this vehicle, this physical body/mind organism feels good and prana, energy, can flow freely. Also, the waves of the mind become quiet...and at a certain moment there is that point of stillness in you...a moving stillness which is maybe what you feel sometimes makes you breath...For some people it takes longer and some people shorter...until they get a glimpse of what is beyond asana.
- Rolf Naujokat in "Guruji"
It's summer. I'm here wishing it would go on forever - and getting more deeply involved with Ashtanga. It's all I care about! And a few other things...including —Binky who is eating but not enough. It's worse for us more than him. He's happy.
Un-Stuffing
expedition baggage
getting lighter
goose down pressing
caressing
(?)
a question
always the comforting quest
is this necessary?
metta
6.22.11
"Louis XIV" by Jeff Koons at LACMA, stainless steel*
You do not know what will happen if you see yourself as you are without wishing to bring about a change in that which you see.
- Krishnamurti
The attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be.
- Alan Watts
Summer love and...
technical difficulties—spotty internet service for a week, problems with uploading materials to this web site, and more. All resolved until the next big storm or quirky server problem.
Binky has been eating (comparatively) heartily for the past few days. Before then, we had given up, cried, and faced the inevitable. Now he demands food, stays out all day, and wants to be out at night (not allowed yet). If he weren't still perilously thin, we'd be even more elated. Seems he will be here for a while longer - thanks to stopping the thyroid medicine and Chuck's persistence in getting him hydrated (artificially.) Hooray!
So we are probably here for the most of newly declared summer—yesterday was solstice—until Binky is fully out of the woods, as it were. However, we can have separate trips...and YT is eyeing a Tim Miller workshop in Mount Shasta. ...
Beautiful, creative, brilliant memorial last week for our young friend who suddenly died. A perfect tribute to this remarkable guy.
Been stuckish, somewhat immobilized. Perhaps I will get to my list this week? In the meantime — God! I love summer so much!
metta
Summer Love
*Louis 14, Koons, et Moi
exercise:
oh, ick! look
at a stainless steel
image
(any ego will do)
and do not wish for its
or your own
change
6.12.11
light touch
John Baldessari from LACMA
Those who seek the truth by means of intellect and learning only get further and further away from it. Not till your thoughts cease all their branching here and there, not till you abandon all thoughts of seeking for something, not till your mind is motionless as wood or stone, will you be on the right road to the Gate.
- Huang Po
Baldessari image/word koan above—uses the mind to shut down the mind. Nice trick, don't you think, Huang Po?
Warm-cool days divided by morning sun and afternoon rain. It rains now. Lovely to have time to do nothing, to experience moments of boredom and pure happiness, to feel stuck with this collaboration and elated by the process. (Stuck - completed what I thought would be a part of the whole, but it does not integrate—at least not yet—with what D. sent me, and until resolved they remain two separate pieces.)
*
Ashtanga home practice is good, but in search of a little outside push, have been going to Asheville Yoga Center for Ashtanga-ish classes. The loud music bothers me sometimes. However, definitely getting a not-by-the book nudge ie - am somewhat close to getting - Hanuman pose. It's definitely out of traditional sequence - and not in 1st or 2nd Series.
*
Binky has totally stopped eating. And yet - he is so much himself - it is a delight. For two days he's been outside almost all day, and yesterday he killed (but did not eat) a mouse. I sit with him and brush him in the evenings, and he purrs. He's so fragile and thin that - it's done with the lightest touch.
hope vs. acceptance
edges are near
despair
rips
and tears
an under-the-freeway volunteer mural in Encinitas, CA
(causing city officials to have a fit)
6.3.11
As an artist, when you are involved in the moment of creativity, when you are totally present in the now, there is something that moves through you. This at it's most potent seems to bypass the mind and speak to the soul. Time stops. I am still an artist, only now "I" am the work in progress.
Dena Kingsberg - from "Guruji"
The Mother Ship
Things are settling down. Binky is no longer at death's door - since we took him off the thyroid medication. The side effects were killing him. (Oh, doctors! - human and vet varieties. Will save rant for another time.) He's not back to pre-crisis health yet, so we'll see. It takes time. Meanwhile, we don't want to go anywhere - even close by - or leave him yet.
Warm weather. Morning yoga and/or running delights. Feeling the Ashtanga vigor again after a couple weeks of gently babying back. Finished all 4 seasons of Mad Men. I heart Dan Draper! This is good (that there's no more episodes left to view) that world was becoming as real as this one (ha, maybe that's not saying much.)
Reconnected with old friend - heart-to-heart. And dear friend K has taken a job in Massachusetts. Extreme going to miss her! Soul nourishing visit with J last weekend.
So California was marvelous. The LA art scene is great. LACMA, MOCALA, the Getty - all in one day - thanks to iPhone. The (mother) ship is calling.
*
perfect
so Boulder
so Garrison
so Crestone
so So.California
so Waynesville
so West Coast
so scanning
property
listings
*
metta
5.25.11
Cancelled our time in NYC after Garrison retreat - because Binky was/is gravely ill, and I rushed back for fear he'd be gone. So many things make a total recovery unlikely. Yet since he returned from vet, we've been able to get him to eat - tuna fish and chicken (for humans), cat treats, and cat junk food (the stuff in regular stores). To see him so fragile - just tears me up. Want to keep him comfortable and happy. Want to let him do everything he wants....heart is breaking.
Garrison retreat (including that beyond words) was stunning. Stunning.
Rained every day. Did First Series daily. Mego showed off her arm muscles! Have some mildly amusing stories about my job cleaning the men's bathroom. All was perfect in every way. Great conversation on train into NYC with woman from retreat who was serious and hilarious at the same time—her time with Guru Maharaji and her African gray parrot.
Stunning.
Found a site online where I can watch "Mad Men" (for free) and am totally engrossed in this 60's time capsule drama.
Binky (and all living beings), dear and beloved cat (all dear ones) may your days be filled with ease, love, and all the simple things you enjoy.
metta
And so the retreat continues....
5/11
Garrison entrance
Garrison lingam? (no idea of what this is)
5.10.11
Jeff Koons' "St. Sebastion" at LACMA
Aching body and soul. A younger friend died suddenly. Someone who was wise, was real, had heart.
Just back from California where YT pulled a back muscle in one of Tim Miller's Mysore classes two days ago. Felt invincible (folly) up to that time and during Sharath workshop.
Humbled again with sore and grieving awareness.
Lots of good art in Los Angles and San Diego. Here's a photo (above) of an art work that Dave might have liked. I do.
Aching. Leaving for NY soon. Aching.
4.30.11
photo of new iPad with iPhone photo of me)
(inside an iPhone inside an iPad - in the belly of the whale?)
iSelf reflection
"Enlightenment is an accident. Meditation makes you more accident prone."
- Baker Roshi
*
Geek alert. iPad came yesterday. Cool, cool. They don't call these things smart devices for nothing!
Classes ended. Feels like teaching has finally burned away illusions I have tried so hard to maintain. Halleluja! Why is truth so hard to accept? Rewards and thank you's from and to teaching and students!
AND it's been a year since "mego" was shaken by two very disturbing (separate) episodes involving a ranting student and actions by 3 friends. Difficult but ultimately good things.
Exhale.
"If you exhale smoothly, without even trying to exhale,
you are entering into the complete perfect calmness of your mind."
- S. Suzuki
Kino MacGregor workshop last weekend - very helpful. Last led class before Encinitas. YT nervous! We practiced with JB Wednesday and then all went to breakfast. I so do not have a grip on First Series - (navasana, bujapindasana, setu bhandasana not great). Southern California coast - what could be better? May all those negative ions from the ocean both relax and invigorate me and all the other practitioners!
“There is a saying that poets and women should never be coerced. It will only result in suffering, and the desired result will not materialize. Similarly, never use force in teaching or practicing asanas.”
- Krishnamacharya
metta
4.21.11
vision revision
I know I cannot paint a flower. I cannot paint the sun on the desert on a bright summer morning, but maybe in terms of paint color I can convey to you my experience of the flower or the experience that makes the flower of significance to me at that particular time.
- Georgia O'Keeffe
Beautiful quote—(truth is beautiful.)
Great spring for azaleas (see quote and photo above!). And dogwoods. Must be all the rain.
The beat goes on. A want is satisfied by a behavior. Then another. And so on...The ideal always in the future.
Restyling, reworking, remodeling, adapting, modifying, transforming
revisions
never land
reaching for
other than
A little Easter break this week. Time for meditation - of sitting and yogic varieties, reading, and contemplating shifts in energy and focus. On the cusp of change, half born, never land.
Q: Do you think physical practice can lead to liberation?
A: Without real consideration? No. You might get a kundalini flash, an ah! ooh! Or some ecstasy or euphoria or something like that. Until you know you are not the body, what are you going to do? So if you associate with the body when you are doing the practice, you've got some traveling to do.
- Norman Allen
From "Guruji" (about Pattabhi Jois and Ashtanga)
metta
4.14.11
house next to our b&b in Atlanta
spring
somethings
&
nothings
At last a moment right now, a gap in the rushing, doing, hurrying. The metal pour tomorrow was cancelled and that makes things feel wide open.
6:30 AM Sharath live streaming first series tomorrow is NOT cancelled. Practiced with NYC live stream last week, and it was strenuous. Encinitas here we come! More of the same.
Not again! Mysore class in Atlanta (during last weekend's opera, etc visit) - an older woman came up to me: "You're such an inspiration! Your hips are more open than mine." Well, yes they are - and so what? Are you implying they shouldn't be because I might be older than you? A lot - not all - of such comments feel like ageism. This is bothersome (and good for awareness—do so love the chip on my shoulder!)
Watching something weird - all the things I've bought. The "no you can't have it" got turned off recently and "yes" is being said to the "I'd-like-that-me." It's new—such allowing, but when will it wind down? Never? When $$ become an issue? Dunno.
Visit with J in Atlanta. Soothing to share words, time, and space with someone on a similar path and share stories about our "over half-born" states. She will be at retreat in May and visit here in summer.
In one stormy night cherry and magnolia blooms fell. Green foliage and dogwoods have popped. Starting to believe in spring again.
Now for some collab time (collaboration piece)!
metta
4.1.11
Fool's Gold
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool"
-from Shakespeare's "As You Like It"
Today's fool says - Where did March go?
Daffodils, wild pansies, magnolia and cherry blossoms - all in rakish concert!
Facing fears, not running away, relaxing into truth - like it or not. Intense week due to activities at work (Student Show jurying and more). Had a night of no sleep and attended last yoga class of J & N. Easy to find the dark places when one hasn't slept. J seemed hard on me. YT felt discouraged.
Seeing relentless trying and wanting and wanting (with or without sleep). And how perfect it is; letting go.
Humility. "Thy" will - be done. It slips away.
Writing a review. Reading a thesis paper. Opening Student Show.
Atlanta next week. Collaboration.
Keno MacGregor
Daffodils!
Lucid
Foolishness
Humility Grace and Maitri.
Pansies!
"Have more than thou showest.
Speak less than thou knowest.
Lend less than thou owest."
-Fool in Shakespeare's "King Lear"
3.15.11
promise precipice
Rainy, cold day—here on the edge of the vernal covenant....weeping cherry and magnolias about to pop! Ever a surprise.
Back from 3 days in Durham, visit with C and workshop with Annie Pace (Ashtanga). Two sessions on Surya Namaskar A, B and philosophy and two sessions on what most consider to be the practice - asanas with vinyasas. DS (his reports of Mysore and Ashtanga inspired us to go) was there! Long time between sightings. He came for lovely dinner of friends Saturday. Enjoyed between-workshop visits with dear C - and hope to write a review of the show she's in, the first (in a LONG time) with LIFE in it!
Annie Pace fascinates me. Can't figure her out. Hard to describe energy. In last summer's post, I described her physically as like a hard, brown bean. Maybe that says it all. There's both a warmth and a sharp edge emanating from her. Chuck suggested I spend a month in Crestone w/her, but I hesitate. Thought flash - Pace is somewhat like Huber - charismatic, mysterious, very, very certain, kind, and dangerous!
Received "art" package from Hawaii - so D and I can begin our collaboration. What fun. Still unopened. Feels like a Christmas present—shook it (no movement) and considered its weight (light). Waiting for the right moment and of course for some much needed quiet time - to look, think, and creatively respond.
Seems I'll be in California and New York most of May. Now at a point where I have a clear question - and realize recently - it's the same one, in different form, that I've been asking spiritual teachers for several years.
5PM and it's still light. Daylight savings combined with seasonal promise.
gratitude
big warm heart
insight
metta
3.2.11
You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted! - Paul Tillich
Marchness
Things are happening...again!! It's always a surprise, always a joyful one. Croci and snow drops in the yard, warmer temperatures, and - today the 6:45 AM sky was filled with deep blue and orange - sunrise sooner, light longer! The amaryllis from last year is blooming too.
It's spring break and we're back from 5 days of a full-blown cherry-peach blossom spring in Atlanta. Yoga every day, opera (Porgy and Bess), art, movie ("Blue Valentine - 5*s from this reviewer), and good food (Persian, Indian, Japanese.)
Practiced at Balance Yoga where MM asked me if I was doing Second Series. Then today J gives me first pose of 2, Pashasana. Never really thought I'd be doing anything other than First Series. Surprise.
2 things:
MM directed me to a Youtube site where a 65 year old woman was doing a drop back. yay!
An older woman (I thought close to my age) came up to me after yoga class and said - I hope my practice is like yours when I'm your age.
boo!
OK - the hard to face truth is that YT does not look how she feels (about 25) and is - well, shocked (and ouch - hurt) when confronted by it. As always, arguing with reality!
Now to focus on to-do list. School business a ton of reading/editing (sculpture history, grad thesis and School policy document.) Asheville business and errands. More and endless catching up with everything.
metta - feeling, sending love as voiced by Tillich quote above.
Pashasana
Asana (posture) is only one step on the path of yoga. Yoga really means self-consciousness, self-realization — that is the ultimate meaning of yoga. Not just doing postures. This is only one aspect, but it is the foundation for you to realize what you are. To realize the source, what we are inside, that is real yoga....
...You have to be a student your whole life. Yoga is never ending. It's like the ocean and what we have learned is like a small drop. There's a lot to learn and for our whole life, we keep learning. - Sharath Jois
2.13.11
computer heart crocus
Posted this image on the "social network," and it was mistaken for a mere photo of YT!! No, oh no, my friends - c'est "moi" INSIDE my phone.
Here is a phone that does everything with a tap of a finger! Receive/send email, go on-line with verbal commands to Google, shop, search, and find! With bluetooth it pairs with Prius and printer. It can play music (now listening to classical sitar on Pandora), take movies and photos, upload on internet + more. Favorite (free) app so far turns phone into a flashlight!
One of categories in Heartney's book is Technology & Nature. Saw (art) crocuses at Junaluska this week. Makes me soar! AND days are getting longer. Cardinal songs and croci - can daffodils be far behind?
Nature and technology: had some questions about making ringtones and went to apple discussions on-line. Required an alias (Natalie Omen) and suddenly I felt so liberated in what I could do or say. We are not who we think we are...our nature - boundless.
Difficult and fabulous movie -"Biutiful."
The Egyptian people using the internet as a tool have toppled the Mubarak government. The computer age is revolutionizing lives in ways subtle and panoramic. Watched a young woman whose U-tube post was partly responsible for starting it all - remarkable! But....now what...
*
ashtanga mala
a beating chenda
a hearty heart
full metta
*
2.4.11
harbingers
imphone
fractaluniversephone
Imphone fractal phone fractal me/we/all Imphone
Am a little obsessed with mIphone scheduled to arrive on Monday. Ya think?
It's gray and rainy. The snow is gone (from here - other parts of US are smothered by it). Not sure what obsesses more - mIphone or mIashtanga. Lovely class today. Arms are getting so strong.
Working with a group of independent study students in a class called Sculpture Past & Present - based on the categories Eleanor Heartney has defined in her book Art & Now. We are looking at the ENTIRE history of art/sculpture through the lenses of spirituality, nature, distortion, abstraction, and others. Using ARTstor (on-line image library), Heartney book, survey book, and various readings from other books. Fun.
Brian Greene's "The Hidden Reality: Parallel Universes and the Deep Laws of the Cosmos" has arrived. Looked so interesting, but it might be too densely scientific for YT. Will see.
Communique from old friend with whom I had lost contact came via snail mail. Made effort to reconnect with him and rewarded with a warm heart today.
Emotional allergies and allergies to people: (psychological) immune system overreacts and shuts down.
Now for a warm bath.
First cardinal song of 2011 yesterday
1.27.11
movement in stillness
Above is a perspective on things that works for me! It's been 2 weeks of total frenzy. Painting and Director candidates both came this week. One more to go, next. No time to even teach a class - so am delighting in catching up - and in remembering "my place" in the universe—a relative sub atomic particle (that thinks its me.)
Bought tickets to Encinitas! Now totally scared. Not sure I'll survive the Sharath workshop with the California hot shot Ashtangis. What was I thinking? False confidence from "getting" chakrasana last week, no doubt! On the other hand Southern California coast in May will be heavenly no matter what.
Thinking about croci soon to apper....and snowdrops....the swelling amaryllis....gratitude soaring, slumping, growing, grumping....
1.13.11
Sokuhi, 16th C, "Tiger"
"Do not wait to express yourself fully."
Quote from Shunryu Suzuki accompanying above image.
Am so over snow! C takes the donkey (Subaru) to work, and I'm left with the zebra (Prius)! Haven't been down the hill for several days. So much for the first week of classes. Lots of time to tweek syllabi, assignments, and to be feverish (en cabaña).
Yoga this morning helped, infusing energy and calm. Doing almost all First Series, tho some poses with unique vinyasas have a long way to go. Chakrasana awaits, and navasana is still my most disliked and unskilled. No timeline - a handstand in the next 4 years has been my hope, but no hurry. A lifetime is ok, and yet effort perseveres.
Have been reading Huang Po, a Ch'an (Zen) monk from the 9th century—and am amazed at what he's saying (sounds like Ramana Maharshi, Krishnamurti, or Adyashanti.) Also, finishing up "Love Is Stronger Than Death" by Cynthia Bourgeault. The latter turns out to have some worthy ideas about relationships and I (slightly) misjudged the book when starting to read it several months ago.
Here's two respective quotes:
The Bodhi is no state. The Buddha did not attain to it. Sentient beings do not lack it. It cannot be reached with the body nor sought with the mind. All sentient beings ARE ALREADY of one form with Bodhi. - Huang Po
It is not how (two partners) relate during their better times, what inspired quests or common visions they share, but rather, how they work together to unlock and heal each other's dragons. - Bourgeault
Do not wait to express yourself fully.
1.1.11
I’m trying to get beneath the surface appearance of things. Working the surface of a stone is an attempt
to understand the internal energy of the stone.
A stone is ingrained with geological and historical memories.
- Andy Goldsworthy
internal energy
The snow has melted and it's been raining heavily and steadily all day. Time to be quiet, be inside - two states I've enjoyed a lot this whole snowed-in week. We had a wonderful day of snowshoeing to Waynesville and back in 12" of snow on the cold, snowy Chuckmas day - and it was a sweet, white Christmas.
Wrote or began several recommendations for friends and students, reading "Love in the Time of Cholera," watched a hulu movie about women Buddhists in Ladakh, watched season 4 of "30 Rock," catching up on sleep, enjoying full mornings of meditation and ashtanga, and thinking about art, service, and life.
The Ladakhi movie made me think. One of the nuns spoke simply but eloquently about acquiring things. I have spent a lot of $ lately on "stuff" - even so - with awareness and acceptance. Allowing myself to have certain things is a new permission, but hmmmm, when is it enough, and is it just a momentary fix?
Working the surface of a stone is an attempt to understand the internal energy of the stone.
There was more to the Peru trip than its final episode (my Big Sick.) The days were intense and busy making it seem longer than its 14 days and included a sweat lodge, a work day on a plot in preparation for spring planting, hiking - a lot - and yoga at historic sites, and of course, eating fabulous meals.
The perspective on Andean culture was amazing: an agrarian and peaceful one, many monuments were integrated with movements of the planets. This view challenges the prevailing "conquistador projections," an accepted academic view - and makes much more sense.
It was the first led group in which we have participated, and it had some wonderful advantages - seeing and learning a lot in a short time, though neither of us were comfortable with "groupness."
metta |
