December 6

blink

It's about 6pm Saturday. Sitting here in the midst of travel-prep frenzy feeling gratitude and appreciation. Deep long breath.

So in a blink of an eye we'll be back from India. Time is so amazing. It IS an illusion. I see/feel that at times. All we can do is relax and enjoy things because soon it will be over, and everything else, too.

*

Some wonderful sculpture for the finals last week. Teaching has become easier, joyful and when I think of quitting, it's always because of administration, bureaucracy.

Finally read all the art history candidates' data. Enjoyed it -- and it made me tired. Some good ones.

*

Last entry before leaving for India, and full moon at Arunachala awaits. I'll be thinking of the NC moon as we walk around the mountain....

metta

November 29

drizzle

Quiet time with Lola on my lap. Able to catch breath - but only for a second because the crunch is on. Leaving a week from Tuesday. (See MU in S. India.)

It's SO winter today - all gray and drizzly. We did give thanks this week by enjoying two great meals - one, a vegan delight at Laughing Seed; the other, with friends. I've had time to run, watch Wall-E and Trouffaut's 400 Blows. How's that for leisure?

Resisting listing things done and yet to do. (Entries for past few months feel like a total list! Booo-ring! says Petty MA). Recall W. Makichen's 2008 prediction (pour moi) that this fall would be difficult. Indeed.

Something has to fill space and time.

There's been emotional pain/hurt coming up during sitting.

Something has to fill space and time.

Or does it?

metta

November 23

phenomena

All of a sudden the leaves are gone and it is 20 degrees outside! Looks like winter. Even snowed last week. What's happened?

Maybe everything is happening all at once?

Feels like it.

Finished Hawaii piece. It's ok - not enough time for a masterpiece(!) The statement is much better than the piece (I think.) Noticed this phenomenon - superior statements to work - for the first time while working on Catholicity. With a web site, it's an advantage because text can be right next to and equal in size to the art image.

Yes - all at once - have launched into cleaning the house in prep for leaving and studying the India travel guides. Getting excited.

Yoga class was just stunning tonight - I mean that literally. Often finish and am in another zone far beyond the ordinary. Ashtanga is like a beautiful dance. Oh, the muscles are going to be sore tomorrow!

Soon we'll be back from India. Or not.

Is everything happening all at once?

*****

November 18

inhale-exhale

Travels to India are approaching. Guess it's time to get serious. We talked about Arunachala moon walk tonight, and I realized we will lose a day and won't arrive until the 11th. We'll do the moon walk and CLIMB the mountain. That - C says - can be done in 3 hours. Then to Mysore for yoga, and after that play tourist.

Hawaii Shoebox piece is coming along okay. There's just not enough time before deadline to really do something fabulous and enjoy doing it. Trying to get the job done!

Was ready to quit last week. So much pressure to fill classes to the max. Thought it was the last straw. Then had a much-needed laugh with Cathy about how to make a regular sculpture class sound sexy. She suggested - Hot Wax, and then - Hot Wax for Singles...The Heart and Soul of Molten Metal..for Singles. Making Sculpture that Smolders for Singles...

Let-down after Catholicity launch was noticeable. Petty Ma secretly (even to her!) believed the world would stop and applaud. Indeed, this did not happen. Still tweaking, have added favicons to main pages.

Atlanta was a fast trip. Rossini's Cinderella - excellent. Found a S. Indian(!) restaurant across from the motel and tried to walk to the Cobb Center. Bad idea. We got lost (this is N. Atlanta and definitely not conducive to walking unless one enjoys crossing a 12 lane highway) and only saw the second and final act. Caught up with Mark and Ann after opera, slept a few hours, and came home.

Other events: High energy lunch yesterday with remarkable group of women. And inspired by Suzi Gablik's talk last week, I gave assignments related to "art as moral imperative" and "defining moments." Beaver Full moon walk was rainy (moon flashed momentarily between clouds), companiable, enjoyable.

Looking forward to joys of not being insanely busy one day...and wondering what will arise in the spaces formerly filled with busy-ness...

Metta

November 8

Perfectus*

The site Catholicity was launched yesterday, and I slept deeply and soundly last night - perhaps for the first time in months.  Sent the above image as an announcement. Funny, I think I like it better than the home page - which feels closed off and boxy (it is). The home page image was selected months ago by all three of us, and much work was put into it.  I've learned SO much, I'd probably design the site completely differently now, if I were to do it again. 

Well, that's not gonna happen. Am so finished (perfectus) with this stuff.

Wonder if anyone will read and look at all the amazing art on the site. It is just so full of remarkable work - that is also very demanding.  Got to know each piece so well and grew very fond of certain ones.

***

Everyone (I know) is just euphoric about Obama. Had to really keep a lid on it - unless I knew how someone voted.  I've not seen such charisma and speaking skills since JFK. McCain's concession speech was truly wonderful also. If he had showed such statesmanship during his campaign, he might have had a chance. 

***

Just feel so spacious today. Hooray and hooray!  Worked on the Shoebox piece, changed bird feeders, swept the porch, enjoyed what's left of the blazing color. Beginning to feel like the piece and prep for India just might all get finished with some quiet spaces between.

metta and more metta

November 2

transitions

Chuck's mom died on Tuesday, October 28 in the early morning.  It was apparently easy and peaceful. May my own be as quiet and simple. Though it's always hard to believe and handle when it happens, C is doing ok.

And friend K's grandson - a remarkable little Buddha-child, died of cancer.  He was four.

*

We are finally in the last stages of Catholicity. Will hire someone to take care of the details, clean up the minor tech problems, etc so I can focus on Hawaii show and India. JS whom I met many years ago in Greece, has contributed a wonderful essay. He's Jewish and well, very very smart - so it's a plus for the site and an important perspective.

Tuesday is election day. Dare we hope? The funniest links are being circulated on the internet about Palin.  She has truly made me believe in equality of the sexes!! Example: when I voted (early) last week, I didn't vote for someone just because they are a woman, as I confess I often used to. There's no guarantee a woman won't be shooting moose from a helicopter, be pro-war, behave unethically, etc etc.

Spoke with friend Cici today. I've had no life for 3 months, and realized - I miss her! 

*

Leaves are about half gone - but the stunning colors are still strong. Our mountain view has returned. 

glory. gratitude, and grace

Oct 26

gaté gaté paragaté

Yesterday at a friend's 70th birthday celebration, we walked her labyrinth. As we moved in circles beneath blazing trees, a red hawk and a crow circled high in the infinitely blue sky, one chasing the other. 

words 

C left early this morning to be with his mother during her last days. They have taken her off iv liquids. May her last days be easy, peaceful. 

letting go

(Might as well release/stop clinging now and enjoy freedom - before before being forced to.)

Petty Ma has been frantic to finish Catholicity, going to bed at 2AM - not doing ANYTHING else. Sitting this morning, I had to let that go, and it was a huge relief. Do not believe I can finish the site, prepare for India, finish a piece, and teach - all in the month of November.

relief

Bill Donnan was here all week for the bronze and aluminum pour. He brought a portable (and brilliantly) jerry-rigged furnace, and we poured aluminum Friday. The burn-out kiln did not quite do the job and the larger molds still had wax in them. So Bill will be coming back. An event gave us pause:  the heat from the furnace caused the water inside the concrete below it to explode. A #70 crucible of bronze tipped over. No one was hurt, just shaken. We all know this can happen. It was a rainy day and we were under the canopy. Nevertheless, moisture gets absorbed ambiently, and it happened. 

outbursts

I feel in myself and see in others much hostility in this presidential election. Big flap on campus last week, made national news, and Chancellor called it a "prank." Dead baby black bear was found on campus covered with Obama signs. Additionally, when Petty Ma (who thinks she's above such feelings) sees a McCain/Palin bumper sticker, she feels anger toward the driver! 

metta

Oct 18

more adventures

Finally got water.  This huge truck-machine dug 450 feet down before the "strike."  Water was coming out at 5.5 gallons a second!  Later, in the process of getting pipes from the well to the house - the workmen cut the phone line.  Now - no land line phone connection and no internet.  (Will upload this when we finally get back to the 21st century!)  Have to laugh at all the "mishaps" and adventures that have occurred this year.

Mary Anna and I worked all day on Catholicity.  We hit a technical snag - unable to adjust the background color and size on Dreamweaver.  It's a complicated program that's not at all forgiving or flexible.  We're so close.

Outside it is gorgeous now and has turned quite chilly.  Lots of leaves on the ground.  Colors are astounding in sunlight and against a blue sky.

Hunter's Moon walk last Tuesday.  We walked briskly and started before it was dark.  Moon was HUGE, pale, and low in the sky. No time to write a minimal word group (a poem?). You might think writing fewer words would take less time.  You would be wrong (for me.)

Okay, time to start on the Shoebox piece and work on Catholicity.

Oct 11

dissolving in the glow

Almost overnight the trees have noticeably changed color.  The color is dramatic this year - deep, deep crimsons and yellows so glowing they vibrate. 

It's fall break - very short but still a blessing.  Non-stop work on the Introit essay for Catholicity.  And then at night fretting about the whole web site. What an obsession, and my eyes are killing me!  Hope to get started on a piece for the show in Hawaii. Figured I'd be long finished with Catholicity by now.  How wrong I was.

Digging up higher on our land to tap more of the spring did not work so we are without water until a well can be dug - which we hope will be next Monday or Tuesday.  Whew! two weeks without water.  Lived without water, electricity, and any plumbing for several months in Nepal so I feel pretty tough.  I mean we used to have to look for a place in the bushes in the morning!  Here we have pond water to flush toilets, and C who has been fabulous - buys quantities of water for drinking, hand washing, cooking, washing dishes, etc. Showers are at the rec center and laundry is at the laundromat.  Hey, no problem!

Last Sunday we went to the Obama rally in Asheville.  Slackers, we arrived at 1PM and walked in winding lines until 3:30 when we barely caught a glimpse of him (but did very much enjoy hanging out with the crowd).  Friends who arrived at 10AM were asked to sit on stage.  How cool was that?

Okay, now to rest my eyes - well, maybe just a little more work on the Introit and that Flash audio....

metta

October 1

there's more

Our spring is dry.  No water - no baths, no showers, no toilets.

September 30

Petty Ma Tribulations Part 2

When is this stuff gonna end? 

Went to Subway for a NY Times on Sunday, left my wallet there, and it was apparently taken.  No driver's license, credit cards, and no $100.  That was an expensive newspaper. 

That night I spilled curry down the front of a new shirt.  Not just a little - it was a bowlful.

The beat goes on.

September 27 

The Trials of Petty Ma

It has not been an easy week. No, it's been perfectly awful.  Chuck left on Tuesday for PA - his mom had a series of strokes and the md's thought it was time for goodbyes.   The prep for the metal pour was a source of Big Stress- trying to get classes to finish wax positives before Bill's visit this Monday.  There was no gasoline to be had and the Prius was dry.  Little-me/big ego was bruised (again) by a student after a very long, intense critique and day.  It hurts petit-moi to try so hard with so little appreciation.   Finally, "I" had to endure yet another patronizing nurse at an md appointment.  I was miserable!

Chuck's mom surprised the family who had gathered by speaking clearly, asking for a cup of coffee and eating normally!  I postponed Bill's visit and the pour.  The gas scarcity has eased. Grand Moi (not grandma) realizes it's high time to let go of attachment to certain results in teaching.   As for the nurse and most of this stuff, "I" don't like, seems I must endure with grace or learn to not care.  The alternative is ----  suffering.

Spent a couple of very quiet days not going anywhere by car (by necessity and by choice - gas is still very scarce) meditating for longer periods than usual, doing yoga, working on Catholicity, catching up on sleep, and going with natural rhythms.  Today, my birthday - has been a time to observe and nurture.  A sense of ease has returned.  However precarious, I am grateful.

peace

*

Dream:  In the midst of some interesting attraction to a large, fair-haired, older, handsome Swedish (?) guy -I receive a letter from my mother who is apparently living in Chile.  Wow, she did not die after all (even though I was there at the time of her death.)  I'm delighted.  Then thinking it out (in my dream) look at hand-writing and it does not look like my mom's.  Must be a scam.

Think this dream must be partly the result of two movies I watched recently.  "Journey" deals with life/death-death/life and "Darjeeling Limited' includes an elusive mother.  Dreams are often better entertainment than movies.

September 20

Phantom Commandments

All time not at WCU - spent working on Catholicity. Anxious about the deadline which I had before announced was (delayed to) September.  Getting support from friends to relax over it, and I'm able to somewhat.  Here's what I wrote to a friend -

What is source of fretting are the artist/participants who expected to see the site launched some time ago. I have strong messages - no - more like commands - that I must keep my word - unfailingly - and it's not easy to release the grip.

Suggestion from her is to send a creative announcement with preview of site about the delays.  That will take time also - so will work on that today.  (It's interesting to note the strength of internal directives.  Powerful.)

Then there's work!  It seems an unwelcome appendage that must be dealt with until this project is finished.  Today I organized papers, the house, etc and it feels better.

***

The equinox is Monday.  Everything is still SO green and the days are exquisite - in the 70's. Cool nights.  The dogwood in the back yard has tinges of rich, bright orange. A transition has begun.

The Harvest Moon walk on 9/15 was notable for it's speed - we started at 9:30 pm and pretty much raced the circle!  The lake was misty and the sky was clouded - the moon was a barely detectable bright spot in the sky.  Lots of people out walking, a lovely, moonless evening.

Now to rest my eyes and take a run on this perfect day.

All will be well.

September 13

spiritual sausage

"It is natural enough that we should pray for what we want, always keeping in mind that the real meaning of any petition is to be given the grace to accept what happens."

"When we say "God" we are doing no more than pointing a finger.  It is a directional word.  Forced to give a definition, all I could say is that God is Reality so absolute that all other realities are relative."

from Sister Wendy on Prayer

That first quote - is perfect (for me) right now.  What goes up must come down and this week I came down.   That followed by a sweet relaxing and letting go.  (What choice did I have?)

Problems with the student helping with the web site - and for the first time feeling burned out.  Here's the whine - there are SO many time consuming details in creating these pages (some don't get that, I know), and I've asked some people more than once for their materials in a certain format, for bios, and/or for clearer statements- with no results.  22 participants with multiple and very complex pieces adds up to many pages and hours and hours of time, so saving even one hour per page adds up to a lot of time. 

As a result of all of the above and more, I've had to give up the plan of finishing the site at the end of this month.  Not possible and it's a relief to accept it. ..

Next - my elation of learning that June (the stray at Junaluska) had been adopted was dashed when Catman2 phoned and said he was mistaken about which cat was adopted.  Was just busted up about it.

...grace to accept what happens..or what didn't.

***

Watched a film by Jim Jarmusch - Dead Man.  There is something about this guy's vision that fascinates me.  The relationships between his movie men reveal hate, seeming casualness, indifference, and underlying love. He's getting at some basic truth (I think) in ways that mingle humor, irony, silence, improbability, violence and male relationships.

We are thinking INDIA these days and working on travel plans in addition to Ashtanga study. Yoga teacher in Asheville just put up a web site with him doing asanas in a suit!  I love it.  So between his class and Mary Gaye's - now planned for Thursdays, my body/ spirit energies feel boundless.

metta

September 6

heart or moon?

What a magical late summer evening it was last night. Seems about half the people I know were out walking the streets of Sylva, stopping to chat, enjoying the perfect weather. 

Ran into Catman2 and learned that June (the injured cat found at Junaluska) had been adopted.  The very best news - I am elated.  Had wondered if my interfering had doomed her to an institutional life indoors.  Apparently not and hooray! 

At opening for Jan and Brittany, talking to NS about Catholicity.  She had just finished reading Sister Wendy on Prayer and was praising it.  OMG we said!   Got to get Sister Wendy - the ultimate Catholic art historian (and awakened being)- on the web site either by way of quotes from her books or by asking her to write about art exhibited on the site.  It's a plan.  We'll see.

Every spare minute is spent on Catholicity until my eyes hurt. There are times usually about 1AM when I just can't stop working.  Anyway, it's led me to a greater understanding of and ease with Photoshop.  Dreamweaver and Flash are still difficult.  One of MAL's students is helping with those programs and an end may be in sight.  That is publishing day is coming!

Heart is waxing full like the moon...

Where is god?

God is everywhere.

2008. August - May

2008. May - February