uselessness...

Obsessive ruminations– taking what "went wrong," and fantasizing scenario after scenario of how to "make it right."

To attempt to be "perfect" is a useless endeavor.  It requires tremendous energy, demands total concentration, and, in "the end," produces only headaches, anxiety, fear, anger, exhaustion. For so much effort, nothing is achieved except to continue the struggle. (For some reason, this becomes the raison d' etre, as in: I struggle, I ache, therefore I live. Or, Life is a struggle, just get the hell on board!)

yeah, I've been there (Big time!) But over time and with help, I've made it out of that vortex– expending so much creative energy to no productive end– and am relieved to find: I don't have to do it anymore!  Ah, but the pathways are well greased, and I know all too well those delicious quicksands that lead right back in.  Needless to say, I am somewhat leery of my new position outside the oh-so-familiar mess.

being a perfectionist

wanting to get it Right

going over and over in my mind

alternative scenarios that

would have been

more appropriate

more effective and clever

less confrontational, and

would have resulted in

the Perfect response

the perfect solution

as if, by going back and

re-doing it, I would

regain all that time and energy and

grab onto the Life I am so

desperately trying

to create for myself.